(July 14, 2002)
This week we chat with Who's on First co-owner Mark, a certifiable lunatic who is the only man I know who should be arrested for breathing. I've had some memorable drunken nights with Mark this year, as well as unmemorable drunken nights. He's a one man occupational hazard, as I should have been fired 10 times over for the amount of times I've come to work with booze on my breath from the night before.
Mark takes it upon himself to be the life of the party each night, mingling with the crowd, working the microphone from behind the bar and pouring shots off a big, black dildo. (I do not kid about such serious matters.) It makes paying the $5 cover to the midget at the door well worth it. He recently put his bar online to attract a wider audience than car thieves from Queens, and we checked in to see how it's going.
Site: WhosNYC.com
Description: Carnival side freak show of drinking
Webmaster Name: Fitz
Webmaster E-mail: whosnyc@aol.com
Birth Date of Site: Aug. 30, 2001
Traffic Data: 5,000 unique visitors per week (legal capacity of bar: 220)
1. My friends and I refer to your bar as Whores on First. Would you care to take a guess as to why?
Because most girls come in the place like little, pussy school girls and end up sucking dick in the men's room.
2. How effective has WhosNYC.com been in promoting your alcohol-saturated playground?
Like 6-year-old hairless boys to a pedophile.
3. Who gets more ass, a bar owner, a rock star or a toilet in Grand Central?
Oscar, my Peruvian barback.
4. Set up a week for us at Who's on First...
SUNDAY: Pray for my sorrowful, sinful soul for the shit I have done in the past week
MONDAY: Vanessa, our teen Latin Selena, bartends and we usually tend to get smashed with the local freaks
TUESDAY: Viviana let us paint her tits whatever color she feels that day
WEDNESDAY: We see how much food we can feed to Chaundra and pour shots down her throat
THURSDAY: I dress my two barmaids up in my masturbation fantasy outfits of my get-laid-less adolescence
FRIDAY: I whore out my fireman calendar boy to troll for chicks and then I drool and violate them in my office. Then Anna, my Asian message girl, works off my bill behind the bar
SATURDAY: Just trying to finish the week by switching liquors and getting bras off my female customers to hang on the wall as a tribute to my insanity and non-sex life while in high school
5. I'm still trying to piece together my 29th birthday at Who's last February. Were you trying to kill me, because that's what I'm putting on the legal papers?
Since we are currently in litigation, I cannot answer that question. See attorney.
6. What are some of the perks/headaches that come with being a bar owner?
Perks: Having sex with the staff/customers
Headaches: Having sex with the staff/customers
7. What are your favorite web sites to visit (when you're not whacking off)?
New York City Bartenders and Patrons, PaulKatcher.com, Sex Toys 'R' Us
8. What are some of the more creative and effective ways you've promoted WhosNYC.com?
Advertising in ManDate and Blue Boy for TV. Post op Swedish hooker parties.
9. What would you say to a French tourist who came into your bar and asked a girl dancing on the bar to get down because she was blocking his view of the World Cup on television?
I would ask, "Why is the Champs Elysees tree-lined? ... So the Germans can have shade."
10. Why is Who's on First a great place to host a bachelor party?
'Cause the couches down in the party room are stained with cum for five years.
11. Can you use your influence to encourage more Pasties Nights on Thursdays?
Yeah, why not? If not, I will fire them.
12. This is less of a question of more of a tip: The Mets suck. In their best season in the last 16 years, they get their asses kicked by the Yankees, four games to one. That's all.
Go fuck your sisters, you piano teacher-Yankee-dick-suckin' fan.
Thanks to Mark for ensuring that I'll never show my kids this site. Everyone head on over to 87 Street and First Ave. in Manhattan — preferably on Thursdays, when I'm there — and tell Mark you saw his interview on PK.com and that he drinks like a pussy.
More pictures from Who's on First can be found at the bar's official site and at NYCBP.com.
Not to be missed is Liani's going away party on Thursday, July 25. She's in the top-most picture with red-hot redhead Chaundra and Mark. In the middle picture is Oscar and Neil.
All pictures courtesy of NYCBP.com.
Oct. 6, 2002 — TracyLines.com — Model/actress Tracy Lines
Sept. 17, 2002 — JumpTheShark.com — Jon Hein on his popular site and new book
Sept. 17, 2002 — idreamofkerri.com — Atlanta model Kerri
Sept. 2, 2002 — LisaMenuto.com — Model Lisa Menuto
July 21, 2002 — Kelli Graham.com — Model/actress Kelli Graham
July 14, 2002 — YourDreamModel.com — Detroit babe Chrissy
July 14, 2002 — WhosNYC.com — The craziest bar on Manhattan's Upper East Side
June 30, 2002 — RoundCardGirlz.com — Boxing and babes. We like the babes better
June 16, 2002 — SomeIdiot.com — A longtime leader in the e/n scene
June 9, 2002 — SportsByBrooks.com — Sports, beer and babes in Los Angeles
June 2, 2002 — MurphGuide.com — Connecting fun people through parties and events in NYC
May 26, 2002 — Honeygirlx.com — Blonde bombshell makes your fantasies come true on posters
May 19, 2002 — MirandaRox.com — Michigan model and Playboy hopeful Miranda
May 12, 2002 — CamGirlDirectory.com — A directory for camgirl sites, sortable by popluarity and location
May 5, 2002 — GoShannon.com — Model/actress/entrepreneur and overall hot babe
April 28, 2002 — NYCBP.com — Pictures and stories of New York city bartenders and patrons whooping it up
April 21, 2002 — GuyCritical.com — Where women ask men anything and have it answered anonymously
April 14, 2002 — Networkinggirl.com — A singles-event planner in New York City
Want to be interviewed? E-mail Paul.
