February 26, 2008
An Early 2009 Oscars Candidate
How 'bout those Oscars? Hard for me to pick a favorite moment when there were no moments. In fact, I can't recall any of the major award winners receiving a standing ovation.
But at least Hannah Montana got more publicity.
Anyway, after a friend turned me on to Bombay TV, a place where you can make your own movie by adding subtitles to already recorded scenes, I crafted one titled, "Nobody's Perfect, Especially You," starring Tom Brady.
Unless Oscar adds a category called Achievement in Making a Piece of Shit, it looks like I'll have to settle for a Best Live-Action Short Film nomination. You've got 51 weeks to try to beat me out, though it more likely will take 4 minutes.
February 21, 2008
I Misremember Signing Up For This Mailing List
First, the repeated subscription offers from Black Enterprise magazine, and now this postcard comes in the mail.
Personally, I use revolutionary 21st century stuff called "soap."
February 13, 2008
Roger and Me: I Wanted to Throw Up
Anyone who believes Roger Clemens is an honest competitor and an honest witness is as much of a lame-brained jock-sniffer as those fawning Republican representatives who gave him a pass because he's a rich, influential good 'ol boy Texan. Who would have guessed?
While administering verbal kung-fu against direct questioning, Clemens was allowed by half of the politicos — the ones with "R" next to their state — to yammer about how proud he was to represent our country in the Olympics and how concerned he is about PEDs among our nation's youth.
Yeah, right, asshole.
You're so concerned for the future that you wouldn't participate in George Mitchell's fact-finding mission, an effort to first discover ills in order to suggest action for the good of the game moving forward. You wouldn't even lend your decades' worth of expertise from playing for the four franchises you whored your ass out to.
And this was before you were fingered and given the chance to refute allegations to investigators prior to the report being made public. Yeah, that's exactly what I would do if I was clean and cared.
You are a perjurer and a cheater at worst, and at best — AT BEST, mind you — just another MLB douchebag who put the Players' Association over the ideal you claim to hold dear to you ... making sure young athletes understand the full, negative implications of PEDs.
You don't give a shit about young athletes or educating the public on steroids. You're prostituting them, with your false claims of concern, to save your ass. The ass you had shot up with B-12 (uh-huh, good one) by a sleazy trainer whose stories of PED-involvement were corraberated under oath by two former teammates and fellow clients. You didn't know any of this was going on, and if you did, you just decided to keep McNamee employed by you?
Fuck you, Clemens. You're a piece of shit. That Pete Rose defense doesn't really work out in the long run.
February 11, 2008
A Collection of Giants Celebration Videos on YouTube
A sampling of clips to keep the good times rolling:
People Going Ape-Shit at House Parties
One | Two | Three | Four
Man, they look and sound super-gay, but I wasn't too far off at the end of that game.
Impromptu Post-Game Street Parties in NYC
• Tom Brady Scoffs at 17 Point Prediction: The Re-Mix — "We're only gonna score 17 points? Hahaha. OK."
• The Daily News has narrowed the finalists in designating a name for the Manning-to-Tyree miracle at the end of the fourth quarter.
They are:
The Hail Manning
Catch 42
The Hat Trick
The Glendale Grab
The Ty-reach
Among them, I guess I like "Catch 42" the best, but they all seemed so forced. I might also rather go with "The play 'roid-raging cheater Rodney Harrison should've broken up with one of his usual cheap-ass hits."
And Yer 2008 NFL Opener...
I gotta think it'll be Cowboys at Giants on Opening Night, otherwise known as that Thursday night thing they've been doing for a few years. Here's why...
1. The Super Bowl champs should start at home. I looked back a few years, and that seems to be customary.
2. The Super Bowl champs, especially one in a huge TV market like NY, should open in prime time.
3. The Giants' 2008 home opponents are: Dallas, Philadelphia, Washington, San Francisco, Seattle, Baltimore, Cincinnati, Carolina. The Cowboys are the only candidate for a sure-fire, prime-time, opening-week TV ratings bonanza — a reunion with their 13 Pro Bowlers we kicked to the curb during the Postseason Revenge Tour.
4. The Giants opened in Dallas on the first Sunday night of this past season. Not sure the NFL would want the same two teams in the same slot (though maybe a better question is, Why wouldn't they want those certain ratings?). And Monday night ain't what it used to be. Now it's for decent teams with no national following, like the Chargers and Saints. So that leaves Thursday night. And there you have it: Cowboys at Giants, opening Thursday of the season. I still have some leftover popcorn for T.O. when he comes into town and the Giants, with me in attendance, storm out of the tunnel introduced as the "reigning Super Bowl champions."
• There are still no "We Stomped You Out!" T-shirts on eBay. WTF is taking so long!?
February 5, 2008
Photos: Giants Stroll Down NYC's Red Carpet
These won't be the greatest photos you'll ever see from a ticker-tape parade, but I wanted to show a little of what I shot at Tuesday's jubilant celebration of the Super Bowl champion New York Giants.
A few notes:
• The sidewalk was about half-full when I settled into a spot on Broadway at Pine Street, a block north of Wall Street. That was around 10:45 for the 11 a.m. scheduled event. Once things got rolling, all space was occupied. Forget about moving closer. You couldn't move away even if you wanted to.
• This was easily the merriest big crowd I have ever been a part of. It seemed everyone sported some kind of Giants apparel, and a good portion (including me) wore the locker-room T-shirt, which was pretty much the only post-Super Bowl shirt available in NYC on Monday. It was early in the day, so no one was drunk and annoying, and you could tell that this team — with that run, and that final game against that opponent — is going to hold a place in our hearts for a long, long time.
• I understand that ticker-tape machines are dinosaurs, but you'd think the office residents could at least do a better job of shredding paper. Check out this pic of 8 1/2 x 11 sheets of paper raining down. Are you kidding me? Can't anyone find scissors? Isn't anyone smart enough to tear some sheets in half, at the very least? People were also tossing #10 envelopes, paper towels, and toilet paper.
• Between floats carrying players were buses and flat-bed trucks transporting family members and assorted team employees. They were rolling buzzkills. Sorry I didn't cheer more for you, Ms. Associate Marking Manager for Giants Stadium.
• The Post reports that Plaxico Burress' painful knee caused him to miss the parade, which surprised me (is riding in a float that strenuous?) and saddened me, as he clearly deserved the appreciation. Jeremy Shockey also missed the event, and maybe one of these years we'll find out just what's going on with his relationship with the franchise, because it doesn't seem strong.
• Can we get a recount on Osi Umenyiora being the Giants' only Pro Bowl rep in Hawaii? Yet, his selection, which surely seemed like good news in December, caused him to miss the parade, as well.
• If you asked the crowd which of the players that rolled by was Super Bowl hero David Tyree, perhaps 1% of them would have been correct. You just don't often see special-teams players without their helmets on. I'm sure a lot of confused people yelled other players' names at him, though, which is sad. (Like the guy who yelled for "Osiiiii!" even though Osi was thousands of miles away.)
• Among spontaneous chants of "Let's Go Giants!" "M-V-P!" "18-1!" and "Boston Sucks!" was a "Redskins Suck!" serenade of defensive coordinator Jim Spagnuolo, whom Washington is interviewing for its vacant head-coaching job.
• And, in conclusion, "WE STOMPED YOU OUT!" (Video, 2:07 in)
February 4, 2008
Giants Beat the Cheats With Perfect Ending
Oh well, I guess Amazon won't be delivering my highly anticipated copy of "19-0: The Historic Championship Season of New England's Unbeatable Patriots." In fact, when you search for that book now, you're directed to another product, titled, "New York Giants: 2008 Super Bowl Champions." Sounds like a more interesting read.
• Why do I get the feeling Tiki Barber won't be at the parade tomorrow?
• Bill Belichick sure is a classy loser, huh?
• Not bad for a team that was clearly second-best in its division this season.
• The Giants' body of work this postseason was nothing short of remarkable. Defeating four division winners, all away from home, with a million Pro Bowlers among them, beating all of them up physically, and going 12 straight quarters without ever leading by more than one score ... wow. Even my body is sore after this run.
• Plaxico, you gave them too much credit! The Pats can't score 17 when our d-line is playing pinball with the Golden Boy.
• Good luck trying to get through a commercial break next football season without seeing a Manning.
• David Tyree. Syracuse University man, don't ya know.