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Fantasy Fest 2007 Photos and Review

I pride myself on being able to document, though pictures and words, my experiences with clarity, efficiency and entertainment value. But we're gonna need some help from across the web to go over last week's adventures.

You'll need to look at my Fantasy Fest 2007 pictures (simply click on each to advance to the next), then poke through photo galleries that I'll add to this post, as I can find them. Notice where people's eyes are focused in the "posed" shots from the street party scene. I bet the subjects are looking at the camera in no more than half of them.

Why does this matter and how does that help define Fantasy Fest 2007? Think about how one would end with such shots:

1. Subjects are under an absolute crush of simultaneous requests for photos and can't even figure out who's shooting next. Tight shots don't hint at the barrage of uncostumed, camera-wielding gawkers that flooded the party zone to photograph women.

2. Many photogs didn't care where a women's face was pointed. I peered into plenty of adjacent viewfinders that included no face at all.

3. Many photogs didn't bother to ask to take a photo. They'd wait for someone else to ask, then cram close to shoot nearby but not head-on. Before you know it, 12 dudes are flashing away. In some instances, it's almost silly to ask, however. The best of the best costumed folk — even the guys — are just barraged with flash bulbs. But that's cool for all.

As I wrote last year, almost none of the women have a problem posing for photos. They're still flashing smiles — or trying to time one right — in almost every shot. Refusing to ask before shooting doesn't grossly violate their wishes, but it is bad manners and, more importantly, leads to crappy photography! These ladies are sacrificing for us in those tight outfits, sweltering hot wigs and FMPs. Make 'em look good!

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Sadly, I left the battery charger for my Canon SD700 IS at home (so I had to make do on one full charge) and the new Pentax K10D proved to be too heavy to party with, so I wasn't as vigorous with my own shooting as I'd planned.

I also resigned, early in the week, that my work was not needed, as the sheer number of cameras present meant that Fantasy Fest 2007 would be the most documented party of all time. Put it this way: if I spotted some über-hottie across the street, do you really need me to fight my way through a circle of dorks to get the 1,000th picture of her of the night? She'll be posted online somewhere. If I could get a nice picture of an undistracted person, I was cool with that. (Or, if someone was putting on a stripper-pole show at Kelly's Kinky Karnival and was basking in the flashing lights, I was fine with that, too.)

You'll notice that I used a "fake" HDR Photoshop action on these photos of Captain Tony's, the parade scene as we entered Duval Street, and the Truman Annex, where we stayed. There are many examples of truer HDR photography on Google, Flickr, Pbase and the rest of the usual suspects.

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As I wrote last year, you can't experience Fantasy Fest in a polo shirt and shorts. Yet, there they were by the tens of thousands, packs of dudes who seemed to have lost their way from the Mytle Beach Hoooters, or the clubs of New Jersey, or Bourbon Street in New Orleans, where they walk with the same purposeless gait, not spending money there either.

Later in the week, you'd hear costumed party folk lament how it was too crowded in the party zone. Problem was, it wasn't too crowded with real Fantasy Fest revelers. We were way outnumbered by people who could have been dressed for any October night in any warm-weather city. Oh the irony, of not being able to put on a show because there are too many people who choose to only watch it. (Exhibit A | B | C)

The champions of the event (again) were the sexy, funny, creative, free, goofy, righteous party people who were universally kind, open and more with it than you can imagine. I could be talking to a bodypainted woman, a guy wear wearing only a sock around his dick, a lady feeling under a guy's kilt, a man walking into a bar on stilts, then look at four guys in beaters and jean shorts and think, "Who are those fucking weirdos?"

Thanks to the people at KrazyKrewe.com, we walked in the Saturday parade and had an awesome time. We were on our feet for four hours, but we needed it, as we tossed 100,000 beads — yes, just our float — into the crowd.

The attendees were jovial, the kids loved getting beads (some adults were frighteningly happy to get their 50th set of 5-cent beads!) and the music was rockin'. For the second packed year in a row, I saw no physical confrontations. (Though best believe some guys deserved one. I realized the best way to deal with a fenced off parade-watcher who made lewd fingering gestures to your girlfriend was to walk past him a few steps, then wing balled-up beads at the side of his head.)

It was a great way to cap a fun week. We'll be back, and we want to be back with you, in costume, in spirit, in real party mode. So book those hotels before the beater-and-jean-shorts douchebags do!

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Other 2007 Fantasy Fest Photos (more will be added as I find them):

• Flikr: Most Recent Photos Tagged "Fantasy Fest" — Sure to be flooded soon by photos taken by the skilled, the novice, the gay, the straight, the participant and the voyeur. A complete picture will be painted for sure.

• Flickr: Fantasy Fest Groups — There are a couple now, and perhaps more will be added.

• PBase: Bolton Perry's Photos — There are separate galleries for Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights, all filled with "gotcha" shots. Ya know, the kind where you don't have to actually talk to someone.

• Fotki: Jimmyhotjimmy's Photos — Over 300 pocket-cam pics. Low artistic value; high tit-and-red-eye quotient.

• PBase: Jeff Potter's Photos — More "gotcha" shots. (Yawn.) Red Sux fan. Go figure.

• ErosArtist.com Photos — Two huge galleries by Michael Diamond and Lady Venus.

• Dee Light's Pics — Multiple galleries that take awhile to load, but there's some nice stuff in there.

• BoB & Vic's Photos — Tons of pics from a couple of dudes whose apparent mission was to make physical contact with as many boobs as possible. I'd say they succeeded.

• PBase: John Chow's Photos — My favorite of the lot. He took the time to make the subjects look good, and obviously used a quality camera. This pic tells a great story.

PK.com on Fantasy Fest Hiatus

Who knows, maybe this year I'll drink straight from the can.

In any event, enjoy doing whatever you do while I party in Key West for what amounts to a half-naked, all-week, Halloween freak-fest. Let me know if Mattingly or Girardi gets the gig.

Pics next week, pervs.

Thank You, Joe Torre

In recent years, SABRmatricians have invented formulas to measure the worth of just about every player and every occurrence on a baseball field. We know how that Alex Rodriguez led the majors with 6.4 Batting Wins, the number of wins a player added relative to the league average hitter. We know how many runs a one-out steal of second base typically adds to an inning. What we cannot measure empirically is the value of a manager.

How much was Joe Torre worth to the Yankees?

That question can be answered in terms of wins, dollars or brand equity, and no two people will come up with the same answer.

Some felt that Torre was the best man to manage the Yankees. Others believed that Torre's results were no better than any capable major league manager could muster. They could usually be heard saying something about their grandmothers being able to write the names of eight All-Stars consecutively on a lineup card.

In a lot of ways, Torre was in a no-win situation; ironic, considering he won far more than any other manager during his 12-year tenure in New York.

In a perfect world, Torre would've accepted that one-year deal, closed out Yankee Stadium next year with a World Series title, and retired at 68 under better terms. Sometimes perfect doesn't work out.

Instead he'll have to settle for an assload of great memories, a true stamp on Yankees history, pride in the universal praise he and his teams were bestowed for winning the right way, an induction into the Baseball Hall of Fame, and thunderous applauses at future Yankees Old Timers Days. Which, come to think of it, is pretty close to perfect.

You Cannot Escape This Man

And here I thought I was done with Procede pimp Giuseppe Franco till at least spring training.

Here he is recently hanging out with the Governator.

For those of you who don't watch the YES network religiously and are unfamiliar with the torturous frequency of Procede commercials, imagine being locked in a room for six months while Dane Cook pitched Frank TV, with John Mellencamp's "Our Country" blaring in the background.

And here's an interview of Franco on YouTube in which he discusses "The History of Giuseppe Franco" (his words) and tries to debunk a friend's charge that he's "fucked a lot of guys."

Where Have You Gone, Destiny & Mystique?

In Joe Torre's first five years as Yankees manager, from 1996-2000, New York went 487-322 (.602) in the regular season and 46-14 (.767) in the postseason. In Joe Torre's last five years as manager, from 2003-2007, New York went 488-322 (.602) in the regular season and 19-22 (.463) in the postseason. (RS | PS)

At some point, Destiny & Mystique left the building.

As Yankees braintrust convenes in Tampa to discuss the future of Joe Torre, their No. 1 question might be: What happened to the infallible October Yankees, and how can we get them back?

A sensible question might be, Can we get them back at all?

What the Yankees did, from 1996-2000, was staggering. They won 12 series and lost one, a 5-game ALDS to Cleveland in 1997. Only once, in the 2000 ALDS against Oakland, did they even need the maximum number of games to eliminate an opponent. Those types of runs are reserved for NBA teams, not baseball teams. Which is why there's been only one other franchise since 1973 to win consecutive World Series titles (the 1992-93 Blue Jays). Since 1995, only the Yankees (4) and the Marlins (2) have won more than one World Series.

I hope Steinbrenner, Inc. measures our "sad failures" sensibly. If the Yankees, who played .602 ball in the last five regular seasons, were to play the same .602 ball in the postseason (which shouldn't even be expected, because of stiffer competition), their record over 41 playoff games would not have been 19-22, but 24-17, a difference of five games.

Will Joe Torre lose his job over the result of five games over five years? I hope not.

At The New York Post, News Is a Team Effort

The role of the media, in its highest form, is to inform and protect the public. Few establishments embrace that duty quite like the New York Post.

Not only did the Post run a Friday cover story on some naked loon patrolling Times Square, but it reported on a 13-year-old boy who was hospitalized after getting pelted with books for being a wise-ass during a game of "Quiet."

Those most fascinating part of the article was not that the boy hailed from Staten Island or that he was proficient in making "farting noises" — those are pretty much givens — it's that the 6-paragraph article carries two bylines. Two!

The New York Post may seem like a bird-dropping catcher to some, but when it's assigning two people to report on a case of a game of Quiet gone bad, due to farting sounds and flying books, you can rest assured we've received all the information we need regarding the war in Iraq.

Yep, Those Michael Vick Youth Jerseys Are Hot Sellers

You know what's depressing, besides the healthy sales of celebrity rags, that every poker commercial has a lame "all in" reference, and having to wait till April for Yankees games that matter?

The fact that little of my once-valuable sports card/publication collection is worth anything, yet nearly all Michael Vick youth jerseys listed on eBay get sold.

Youth jerseys! Youths can't even bid on eBay. Parents are buying this shit for their children. (Or maybe dumb women are buying up the small sizes. But where to find the time when Jen Aniston is trying to find love after Brad!?)

Hey, No More Guiseppe Franco or Frank TV Commercials!

There was a time when I would've been sick to my stomach after the Yankees lost, 6-4, at home Monday to end their 2007 season. But times have changed. Immediately after Jorge Posada made the final out I thought, "This Bills-Cowboys game ain't half-bad." Fool me four times, ya know?

Last year I was disappointed and disgusted with our performance against the Tigers. I was angry, content to let Joe Torre go, for change's sake, and possibly rid ourselves of the A-Rod media bullshit and pseudo-fan pile-on, even if it meant giving up the most talented Yankee since Mickey Mantle. This year, I'm just disappointed, not disgusted, and I don't know if that makes me a more understanding fan or a bad one.

Since the beginning of the year, I've pointed out that the Yankees' bad fortunes had been attributed, in a significant part, to luck. Over a 162-game season, luck tends to even out, and it did for the Yankees, who scored runs at inopportune times early in 2007, while losing a ton of one-run games. Things evened out, and the Yankees finished with 94 wins, more than any team in the National League.

Luck played a big role in the ALDS. We hit seven homers, but six of them with nobody on base. When we did have runners on base, with opportunities for game- and series-changing hits, we crapped out. Paul Byrd allowed 10 baserunners in 5.0 innings, but gave up just two runs. C.C. Sabathia also allowed 10 baserunners in 5.0 innings, but gave up just three runs. When we got a great pitching performance from Andy Pettitte, they also threw their only gem, and then came the bugs.

It might sound like I'm crying sour grapes and that I'm saying the Indians didn't deserve to win. I do believe the Indians deserved their 4-game victory. They won three games and we won one. Swing a hit, homer or midge here or there and who knows. We played the Indians 10 times this year and won seven. The three losses were most ill-timed, like our postseason homers.

Joe Torre doesn't deserve to go. A-Rod doesn't deserve to go; but I'm growing more confident he'll sign an extension rather than opt out and demand more money, because he's not really in a position to demand more of anything at this moment.

Let's view some of our own without blinders. Jason Giambi made $23 million this year. He made Carl Pavano, Kei Igawa and Kyle Farnsworth look good. They're products of Brian Cashman, as much as Joba Chamberlain, Phil Hughes and Ian Kennedy are. You win some, you lose some. With the Yankees' payroll, you can afford to lose more than most. But you have to answer more questions when you don't win in October.

Opening Day 2008 is roughtly six months away. Enjoy that time knowing you're not a Mets fan.