PaulKatcher.com

Have You See These Well-Paid Men?

At this point, I'm wondering if the Yankees will have the decency to fire Joe Torre in America.

The good news, however, is that Tyler Clippard won't be the biggest nerd on the mound Wednesday night:

Some Helpful Links for Joe Torre and Brian Cashman

• Resume Templates and Cover Letters

• Getting Your House Ready To Sell

• Strategies For Dealing With Getting Terminated

• Job Listings on Craig's List NYC

• How to Write the Perfect Farewell Letter

Couldn't find a link on "How to Tell a $28 Million Pitcher (Prorated) That You'd Rather Nix the Deal and Save the Money For Next Year."

If Paparazzi Make You Sick, Consider This

The New York Post today ran this article on what celebrities charge for social appearances. Here's one reason why Lindsay Lohan's life is not like yours:

She charges: Anywhere from nothing if you're her friend (she has a lot of friends in the club industry, and so occasionally she'll appear somewhere for free — she's good like that) to $400K, which is what she's getting paid for her upcoming 21st birthday party this July at Pure in Las Vegas. "It's a two-appearance deal," says our anonymous source. "She'll get paid $200K to appear at Pure on her birthday and another $200K to appear at the same club later that year." Rumor has it she's been shopping her celebration around since last December, with an opening bid of $250K.

Wow.

Wow.

Without all those exposed-cooch shots, who knows how low her going rate would've been?

All I got for my 21st birthday was a Three Wise Men shot (Jose Cuervo, Jack Daniels and Jim Beam in one glass), which I promptly threw up but put me over the top of 21 shots for the night. Total: 22 shots, 8 beers and a gin & tonic. Miracle I'm not dead.

I'll start the bidding on my 35th birthday next February at a cold Natural Light and a couple of Gray's Papaya hot dogs.

Elsewhere: Lohan No. 1 on Maxim Top 100 for 2007.

The 18-20 Yankees Should Be on Pace for 94 Wins

Last night, as the Yankees were scoring four virtually meaningless ninth-inning runs in an 8-1 victory, I found myself asking, "Where were those runs when we really needed them?"

Like in the first game of the doubleheader, which we lost by two runs. Like Sunday, when we lost 2-1 at Seattle. Like at Fenway in April, when we lost all three games by a total of four runs (one above the minimum for a three-game sweep), despite scoring at least 5 runs against each of Boston's three "aces." Like a lot of times this season.

Our run-scoring (and run-preventing) has really been poorly timed this year. Check these numbers.

One-Run Games
W   L      RS      RA     WP
2   7      37      42    .222

Blowouts (5+ Runs)

W   L      RS      RA     WP
10  3      89      46    .769

First, it's interesting to note that a sub-.500 team is playing .769 ball in blowouts. That's just not natural. You don't look back at the 1962 Mets and think, "But, man, could they put a team away!"

Maybe the 2007 Yankees haven't been so bad as they have been unlucky. Using Bill James' Pythagorean formula, which estimates a team's winning percentage based on runs scored and allowed, the Yankees should have won four more games and lost four less games, based on their 211 runs scored and 181 runs allowed, a difference of 30 runs over 38 games (not exactly the mark of a losing team.)

Thus, the Yankees should be 22-16 and on pace for 94 wins, as noted on the top of the 2007 Yankees page on baseball-reference.com.

(And finally, is it just me, or are there a lot of pictures out there of A-Rod hugging players from behind?)

Rigamortis on Aisle 9!

I joined Costco a couple of weeks ago to save on two of my favorite shopping items: 108-oz. cans of chili and 24-ct packs of toilet paper. One hand kinda forces the other there, ya know.

But while perusing Costco's site for deals that won't haunt my digestive system, I found an entire section dedicated to the, um, more pessimistic set of consumers: the funeral section!

Yep, we're talking caskets, urns, the works. Only one problem: where are all the user reviews?!

Jolly Mon Sings For His Supper Every Night...

And apparently it's filet mignon.

Next time someone complains about how unauthorized digital downloads crippled the music industry, I'm gonna punch him in the face.

And no, I didn't buy the tickets. Around $430 for two people to hear songs about cheeseburgers? I don't think so.

Meet Mr. Happy, Amazon Reviewer flipspiceland

This morning I was checking out The Bill from My Father: A Memoir on Amazon to see if the site's user reviews were as favorable as the media reviews on Metacritic.

That's where I came across a scathing review from someone who goes by "flipspiceland," who went into an anti-gay rant that lambastes the homosexual author for including personal, amorous accounts (which I believe straight authors do in memoirs, as well), labeling him "genetically mutated to not reproduce" and including him as part of the author's father's "genetic wreckage."

Not surprisingly, 0 out of 13 Amazon users voted to have found the review helpful.

I then checked out all of flipspiceland's reviews and learned that unhelpful reviews are his specialty. Three other books are reviewed, each of which received one star, including two that nobody found helpful and a third for Rekindling Desire: A Step by Step Program to Help Low-Sex and No-Sex Marriages that only seven of 22 people found helpful.

In one of his reviews, flipspiceland says that it's rare that he won't finish even a bad book. Which indicates he is a voracious reader. Yet he's taken the time to share only four opinions with Amazon readers, all harshly critical and unhelpful.

Considering his appetite for advice while in no-sex marriages, his sour demeanor is not a surprise.

Yankees Radio: Worse Than Jersey Traffic

Yankees haters are always trying to get me to admit something. Admit this, admit that, they plead, as they poke small holes into what is easily the most consistently successful American sports franchise. Well, here's something Bombers fans will readily admit: listening to a Yankees radio broadcast on WCBS 880 is pure torture.

I had the displeasure of suffering through Sunday's broadcast while stuck in Hudson-crossing traffic. It was worse than being cut off by a fleet of Camaros, even on a day when Suzyn Waldman announced the most promising news of the season, that Roger Clemens — having apparently spent enough time with his family — was returning to the Bronx.

Listen to her orgasmic excitement, if you dare.

Waldman was over-dramatic and homerific to a point of being laughable, a staple of Yankees broadcasts that feature enough in-game sponsor plugs to make the entire production a joke. On Monday, John Sterling read a Benihana promo during a Hideki Matsui at-bat. Between pitches, for god's sake, they're pimping meals related to the nationality of the batter.

I understand that the money for guys like Clemens has to come from somewhere, but the Yankees have got to be able to compete without ruining their own radio broadcasts.