It's been awhile since I did a good, ol'-fashioned link dump, so let's see what's caught my interest of late:

• The Bare Necessities: A Generation Tries to Imagine Life Without iPods — A terrific Wall Street Journal column on the misguided attitudes of people who think they and the country are mired in financial malaise. "Americans of all income groups have made enormous gains in their standard of living in recent decades," writes Stephen Moore, who illustrates how cell phones and laptops are taken for granted when, only a generation ago, today's ho-hum possessions such as air conditioning, washing machines and microwaves were considered luxuries.

Yeah, it sucks that Canadian lap dances don't come at that 30% discount anymore, but a $150 guitar, a $150 digital camera and a $150 used bike can provide years of enjoyment, if you focus on those potential, self-directed positives instead of paying $150 to see Van Halen for two hours and then complaining about it.

Also, your closet doesn't have to be overflowing. Not sure if you knew that.

• Front Desk Tip — Did you know that greasing the front desk a mere $20 at a variety of Las Vegas Strip casinos can usually net you a cheap room upgrade? Here are more than 1,300 tales of success and failure.

• Gianna Michaels' Wikipedia Bio — I love this first line: "Gianna Michaels (born June 6, 1983) is an award-winning American pornographic actress." It's amazing how just one word, "pornographic," changes the entire context from something millions of women would want as their Wikipedia lead to something we sure never got from Britannica.

• Bear Stearns Mementos on eBay — When the company collapsed, people were spending up to $85 for BS hand puppets. Now the demand has quelled and people are treating this junk for what it is. Seriously, a café card? Jeez.

• Pettitte Vows to Teach of PED Dangers — Yeah, he must really care about the kids when he — like Clemens and all the other phonies — elected to not speak with George Mitchell's investigators, not before and not after he was fingered by Brian McNamee. Remind me to carry a Bible with me the next time I bullshit someone.

• Whiten Your Teeth the Natural Way — Strawberries + baking powder. Who knew? I do know that hot dogs and beer does not work.

• Liquid Ass Fart Spray — Jeff Bezos' dream of becoming the biggest seller of fart-smelling products has become a reality! This is where the "Customers Who Bought This Item Also Bought" feature makes for a few funnies. Hmmm, what should I buy with this liquid ass fart spray? Ah yes, insta poop!

• YouTube: Man Trapped in Elevator for 41 Hours — This freaky video, which will certainly give me nightmares, accompanies "Up and Then Down," an article in the New Yorker detailing Nicholas White's looooong cigarette break in 1999, when he was stuck alone in a McGraw-Hill Building elevator for almost two days.

Time to play: Who would you most and least like to get stuck in an elevator with?

Most:
1. Anyone with a deck of cards and a lot of money
2. The CEO whom I will threaten to sue every 10 minutes

Least:
1. The dude who had Taco Bell for lunch
2. Anyone who thinks Jesus is going to help us
2. Ugly receptionist who hasn't gotten laid since the dork in accounting banged her after the 2002 office holiday party