(Look for a Guitar Hero II review soon.)

SPORTS NOTES:

• Nothing hints at the distinction between New York City and Columbus, Ohio, than our populations' respective reactions to a superdork dotting an I in a scripted band formation.

• I wonder what the female Saints fan, who got a couple seconds of unintended TV time while wearing a "FUCK DA EAGLES" T-shirt, is doing to help rebuild New Orleans. My guess is sucking a lot of strange cock.

• To understand how far the NFL outdistances itself from other American sports leagues, look no further than this past weekend's dramatic divisional playoff games.

Four games played in 12 hours over two days, each of 'em kick-ass from start to finish. No other league could pretend to could hold an audience that long, especially with fans whose teams have already been eliminated. And we were still two rounds removed from the championship.

Some might say, "What about the NCAA Sweet 16?" That's a good weekend, too. Or was, when you had players known as "senior All-Americans." (Now they're either seniors or All-Americans, underclassmen potentially playing their last game for a university they may or may not even know much about.) Pretty sure, as well, that you could look away for a few minutes in the first half and not risk missing anything as significant as an NFL TD.

• For a 15-6 contest, that Colts-Ravens game was pretty damn good. It did feature six turnovers and three Colts fumbles that Indy recovered, but you can't automatically pin that on sloppiness. Sometimes you have to appreciate what the defense is doing. That Ravens defense defined "disruptive," and that's about the best compliment you can give. Just pushing people around, getting in the way of things. Oh, they can stick ya, too. But it ain't all about getting on Jacked Up, it's about putting yourselves in sports the offense does not want you — in the backfield, in the QB's grill, in a receiver's ribs — through force, speed, whatever.

• That Peyton Manning — with a 39.6 passer rating — was the first player interviewed by FOX immediately after this game, in which Adam Vinatieri went 5-for-5 in field goals and the defense shined on the road, tells you all you need to know about the burden he carries. A lot of guys couldn't handle the crush with half the class he does. That's why I root for him.

• Saw that Quite Frankly was abruptly canceled by ESPN, without allowing Stephen A. Smith to even say goodbye to his (small) audience. I can honestly say I'm disappointed by that, as Quite Frankly was on my nightly DVR schedule. Being serious here.

Smith got branded as loud and obnoxious, but I thought he was just loud. He's smart, comprehensible and doesn't pander to Joe Getalife the way Jim Rome does with his appreciation for talking smack in The Jungle. Smith's interviews with some athletes were a bit buddy-buddy, but so are the ones on PTI. Those can work as long as the interviewer: 1) doesn't shy from obvious controversial questions; and 2) actually listens to the answers so that he can craft follow-up questions. Tony Kornheiser does it. Smith does it.

Plus, nobody could arrange a panel of black newspaper columnists quite like Stephen A. He could get three black guys to talk about a polo championship in Denmark. Either he's great at finding 'em, or someone else is great at hiding 'em.

• I'm pretty sure we're gonna find Osama bin Laden before we find a single person who thinks the David Beckham-to-MLS deal is a smart one.

• Saturday night Brian Westbrook scored a touchdown by diving from two yards shy of the goal line and landing at least two yards past. That's a minimum of 12 feet, with enough air to clear a row of gargantuan bodies, after being allowed only a few feet to gain hurtling momentum. Freaks of nature, those NFL players.

RANDOM BULLSHIT:

• If an obese comedian is set to work a 30-minute show, expect 20 minutes of fat jokes.

• Here's what sucks about taking a dump in a public place. Not only are you subjected to subpar toilet paper and the occasional automatic super-flush that sprays your thighs, but you know that the guy before you took a disgusting crap, because that's the only time people squat in pubic ... when they absolutely cannot hold it till they get home. It's usually the worst crap of the month.

And so, to the guy who entered that Macy's stall I vacated at 1:51 p.m. Sunday, I'm sorry. Very, very sorry.

By the way, I don't care if Macy's does call it the "Men's Lounge." I'll continue to call it "the shitter."

• Why do people give Christmas-themed Christmas presents, like holiday-movie DVDs? After you've opened your presents, are you really still in the Christmas mood? And then ya gotta watch the movie, which invariably includes people opening presents way cooler than a DVD of a movie that's been on TV three times that week.

• Was in a store and a salesman advised a customer to try a search on eBay.com. He said it as "eBay dot com." Twice. "Dot com." In case the fucking guy didn't know what extension to add after eBay, or every other commerce site in the world.

• Was in a bookstore and overheard this most uncomfortable conversation:

Man #1: "How's everything?"
Man #2: "Not so good. My mother died a couple of months ago."
Man #1: "How old was she?"
Man #2: "97."
Man #1: "You're lucky. My mom died when she was 91."

Let me count the ways on how these guys botched a simple greeting:

1. When people ask how things are with you, they don't expect or want an answer. That's why, when you reply "fine," they don't ask you to elaborate.

2. When someone tells you he lost a parent, and you're not close to the situation, say "I'm very sorry to hear that" and volunteer no other thoughts. Do not try to ease any pain by assessing what is an acceptable lifespan.

3. Do NOT, unless you're a complete dipshit, tell someone he's "lucky" that his mother died recently, nor should you lament that your own mother lived only to 91.

• I wish a friend of mine never told me about a girl who broke his dick when she was on top and slipped out, because it fucks with my head a lot now.

• Ever notice how, in a given year, you might see three times as many awesome new video games as awesome new movies?

• The worst thing about being a cheap bastard such as myself is that, when the expiration date nears on your economy-size bottle of pain reliever, you worry if you're gonna have enough hangovers in the coming weeks to make the initial purchase worth the price.