Now that Randy Johnson is being sent back to Arizona — presumably in a box labeled "DEFECTIVE PRODUCT" — I never again want to hear his name uttered in the same sentence with the word "Yankees." He is the Great Satan, the biggest Yankee killer of them all.

In recent years, there have been a number of noted Yankee killers. Like Ken Griffey Jr., Manny Ramirez, Miguel Tejada, David Ortiz, Vernon Wells and Cory Lidle's plane.

But Randy Johnson was a triple-threat Yankee killer, the Babe Ruth of making Babe Ruth spin in his grave, capable of breaking Yankee fans' hearts while pitching against the pinstripes or for them.

Let's review the three shades of Johnson evil:

1. He Cock-Blocked Us at the Prom. — The 1995 ALDS. We weren't experienced prom kings. We were a pimply wild-card entry hoping to lose our virginity to someone ... anyone! Forget that the Yankees blossomed into a force beginning the year after, Johnson shall never be forgiven for taking a dump in the boys room when we had a drunk cheerleader's panties off in the stall next to him. We were soooo close, mother fucker!

2. He Killed the Dynasty. — 2001 World Series. What better way to end the Yankees' dynasty than to go back to its roots, with close-up TV shots of the ugliest man in baseball to accompany tense moments that already had me feeling ill? Curt Schilling was co-MVP of the Series, but Schilling left Game 7 as the losing pitcher, having given up a late-inning home run to the guy we'd later trade for Alex Rodriguez.

3. He Was the Poster-Boy for Recent Yankees Failures. Past his prime? Check. Overpaid? Check. Bland as a piece of toast? Check. Many Yankees in recent years fill these qualifications, but none better than the Great Satan. Johnson pitched six seasons in Arizona, five of them full and healthy. He won four Cy Young Awards, finished second once, and was named to the All-Star team five times. For the Yankees, he was blah, though he did finish among the AL's top 10 in some important categories, a few that are inconsistent with last year's bloated ERA.

Johnson beat the Sux to clinch the 2005 division title at Fenway, but that was about it. A rather empty career in pinstripes.

Johnson's Postseason Stats Against the Yankees: 5-0, 1.65 ERA, 5 runs on 14 hits in 27 1/3 innings and 35 strikeouts. Includes two series-deciding victories in relief.

Johnson's Postseason Stats For the Yankees: 0-1, 6.92, 10 runs on 20 hits in 13 innings and 8 strikeouts. Two atrocious starts in critical Game 3 situations.