I re-watched Revenge of the Nerds for the first time in a long time the other day, and I was reminded of all the many things the move has taught me over the years. What follows are some of those lessons:
IMDB | Script | Quotes
1. To calculate the number of boobs on campus, take the total number of students, multiply by the percent of females on campus, divide by 100, then multiply by two. At Adams college, there are 7107.32 boobs.
2. When staring at rows of cots in a gym, you will lose it if you don't move it. Sound advice from Coach Harris, who was never a fan of social bullshit.
3. Those Mus sure can party. Not only that, but they can sing. "So I say I gotta be free. So I say I gotta be me." Everbody!
4. Fred Palowakski does not go by his real name. It's "Ogre, you asshole."
5. A two and four kings is a bad poker hand. Too many kings, for sure. Best to take out a few of the kings and replace them with three fresh cards.
6. Rape is OK if you fuck good. This part is kinda uncomfortable to watch. Louis tricks Betty into thinking she's making sexy time with Stan — which I guess is nonconsensual consensual sex — and, upon finding out the truth, she falls for the dork, instead of filing charges against him. I'm surprised Worser didn't build a robot that pries a girl's legs open while she sleeps and he bangs her from behind. (This blog post has more on the sexual assult of Ms. Childs, along with murders committed by Mr. Palowakski.)
7. Black people are more threatening than white people. Another odd scene at the end, where Gilbert is about to prove whether or not shit floats, only to be saved by the mere presence of an all-black Tri-Lam contingent. (Cue the bass run!) Generally, a college football team isn't gonna be intimidated by anyone, but these guys were black, ya see. Man, I get the shivers just thinking about it.
8. When a stoned girl asks "Do you wanna fuck or what?" the answer is ALWAYS yes. Save the debate on whether one would rather live in the ascendancy of a civilization or during its decline for another day.
9. Some asses kinda grow on you. To this day, I will ask friends about any random hot chick on the street: "How could you ever get tired of that ass, Takashi?"
10. No one's really gonna be free until nerd persecution ends. Or so says Gilbert. That fucking tool.
