I'm leaving New York for the holiday-season tourists to enjoy. They are easy to spot. Just look for mustaches, parted hair, straight-leg jeans, and shirts tucked in said jeans. And major stumblage once a subway car starts rolling. (I always love that one.)

They also tend to clog up our sidewalks, a straight-up no-no to any speed-walking local like myself. I dig the tourists' spirit — I travel a bit myself, as you surely have gathered — but they could use a lesson in the flow of people-traffic. Thus, I highly recommend viewing a Drinking With Bob video rant titled "Stay to the Right!"

Other Web Finds:

• PBase: Bolton Perry Fantasy Fest 2006 Photos — These are probably the best I've uncovered. (And I will not stop till I find them all!) Anyway, the link goes to some excellent work on Wednesday and Thursday nights. He has a separate gallery for Friday and Saturday nights. Make sure to view the "original" size — which can be selected on the individual photos' pages — for all the booty-ful goodness.

• Elderly Man Misplaces Wife on Trip From New York to Florida — I've heard of losing an old bag at the airport, but not like this. (Thanks, Art)

• Thieves Take Advantage of Gift Cards Sold Off In-Store Racks — One more reason to not buy that $50 gift card from Office Max. As if there weren't 1,000 other reasons. (Thanks, Shumpy)

• 2007 Yankees Holiday Ticket Packs on Sale — I bought packs #1 and #6 Monday. Came to $385 for 34 tickets over 17 games in the nose-bleeds around first and third bases. Not bad, not great. I don't mind the view, but finding partners for all those games is gonna be a bitch. At least I'll see Opening Day and Andy Pettitte's return in Game 2 or 3.

• Atomic Wedgie Costume — I almost bought this one for Fantasy Fest, but went with Tickle My Elmo instead. I still think it's funny, but may be best among friends, and not thousands of strangers with cameras.

• Animated Porn Makes Moves — When wanking to live humans just won't do. How much porn do you have to spank to to get tired of that?

• News Video: Speedbandits — Hot Danish chicks are slowing down traffic by posing topless with speed-limit signs. Mayor Bloomberg has got to get on this. (Thanks, Pee Wee)

• The 5 Most Un-Athletic Sports Movie Performances — Who hasn't wanted to grab a bat against Harris in Major League and knock the shit out of that greaseball junk he throws up there?

• Video Collection: How to Combat Hecklers Without Calling Them Niggers — A Metafilter contributor rounded up a ton of YouTube evidence of battles between comedians and audience members.

• Video: Pauly Shore Gets Knocked the Fuck Out by Texan Heckler — What the fuck is going on in these clubs? Gotta be some kind of lawsuit coming out of this one. Then again, the assailant dressed for a night on the town as if he was going to a rodeo, so god knows how many hundreds he's got saved up.