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Monday, November 27, 2006

Even Michael Richards Had a Better Week Than the Giants

On Nov. 12, in the final minute of the second quarter against the Bears, the 6-2 Giants held a 13-3 lead and were primed to assume NFC supremacy. They owned a two-game NFC East lead over the Cowboys, who were 0-3 in the division and had been throttled at home by the Giants three weeks earlier.

It was blue skies for Big Blue.

Ten quarters and three losses later, the season appears lost. Ten fucking quarters. November 12: we're higher than Tommy Chong in a broom closet. November 26: the bandwagon is emptier than Nicole Richie's bra.

Here's where we stand: 6-5, in second place, with a chance to tie for first (and grab the tie-breaker) against our most hated rival, with that game and four to play in a season in which many thought the schedule was too brutal to make any sort of playoff run.

This should have been an exciting week for Giants fans. But it's gonna suck.

You couldn't even read the sports pages last week. Every article dealt with Eli Manning's string of poor performances and Tiki Barber's ill-timed criticism of coach Tom Coughlin. Put it this way: the Daily News headlines before the debacle in Tennessee was "TITAN-IC." Where do you even go from here?

NOW, ABOUT THAT WHOLE KRAMER THING...

* I love how all the headlines blared about "Kramer" going crazy. That's when you know you've lost your identity, when you can't even lose your shame under your real name.

* When something like this happens, and it gets caught on video, do the guys at YouTube throw a party right away, or do they first wait for the impending 50 million hits?

* What kind of free and equal country is this if a man can't label others as genetically inferior without fear of penalty?

* To call Richards' apology on Letterman a train wreck would be an insult to train wrecks. The best when when Jerry Seinfeld implored the audience to "Stop laughing, it's not funny." Wrong. It was hilarious. The audience was not laughing at the idea of racism, but at your friend, who you brought on while you were hawking Season 7 DVDs. Or they might have been laughing at the severe regret in the control booth when it became immediately clear that Richards' appearance was, um, not going well. In fact, I think it's the funniest thing Richards has done since Seinfeld.

* I understand a lot of people were upset by the whole thing, but the end result was that we have one more idiot in the gene pool than originally calculated. Just one, with no influence. Hate crimes that leave victims injured or bigoted CEOs who wield power over livelihoods are more tragic than whether "Kramer" uses a slur that's so 1950s.

* Syndicated columnist Leonard Pitts Jr. writes that America's refusal to acknowledge racism is worse than Richards' rant. It's an intelligent take, but I think there was a reassuring amount of condemnation over what Richards did.

* Deborah Mathis pens a great piece on how it would behoove Richards to find the source of words he says "came out of nowhere." She writes, "If he knows what's good for him, he will want to do more than tour the remorse circuit. He will find out where that stuff came from and do his best to purge it. Otherwise, it will either escape again — and maybe more dangerously so the next time — or it will poison him, rendering him unable to feel safe or happy or free."

ON TO OTHER MATTERS...

• Since Takeru Kobayashi is the undisputed eating champion of the world, doesn't it stand to reason that he's taken a bunch of top-10 dumps in human history?

• You know who's rooting against the Cowboys winning the Super Bowl more than any other person in the world? Drew Bledsoe. You think you've seen bad acting before? Try monitoring Bledsoe's "joy" upon receiving a second Super Bowl ring, earned for clipboard-management after being replaced as QB starter. I'm telling ya, his own team winning the Super Bowl would be the worst thing to ever happen to the guy, professionally.

• Two words I'm glad to not have to hear for 360-plus days: "happy" and "Thanksgiving." Jesus fucking Christ, I must've heard or read it a billion times last week. Amazon.com wanted me to have a happy Thanksgiving, NBC wanted me to have a happy Thanksgiving, Overstock.com wanted me to have a happy Thanksgiving. Friends, sorta-friends, used-to-be-friends, used-to-be-sorta-friends and people I've never even met e-mailed, texted and IMed to the point where I would have a happy Thanksgiving ... if only they'd leave me the fuck alone.

• Hell is being in two fantasy leagues, not checking who you were playing against, then finding out Thursday night that both opponents started Tony Romo and his 5 TD passes.

• I wonder if Hooters magazine has a Letters section. It must be tough to weed through the significant majority of reader mail that demands "more tits."

Warren Sapp charged that his food has been intentionally poisoned on NFL road trips. Dude, when you eat 35 meals a day, it kinda increases the odds.

• Did you know Jeremy Piven played George Costanza in the pilot for Jerry within the Seinfeld series?

• I asked three women at Circuit City whether a Black Friday special was also available for online purchase. Guess how many said, "I'm not sure." Answer: 3. Never said it was a tough question. I walked out, bought a similar product from another online dealer.

• Not sure what's higher: Babe Ruth's career slugging percentage or the percentage of copiers that are "out of order" at my local Kinko's at any given time.

• USC's football teams remind me of Miami's in the Hurricanes' heyday. Without the likely chance of the player of the game being involved in an off-campus fracas that night.

Category: Deep Thoughts , Sports | Permalink | Post a Comment (3)


Comments: Even Michael Richards Had a Better Week Than the Giants

I'd like to say I'm sorry about the Giants meltdown, but I'm not... it makes being an Eagles a little easier, even though we got run over by Joseph Addai.

It also lets Giants fans know how Eagles fans felt at the beginning of the season when we let Eli and the Giants come back from 17 down to win in OT.

The Michael Richards thing is soooo played out. Like you said, he's a nobody these days. Now, I'd like to know what's going to be done about the cops who unloaded 50 rounds into a bachelor party in NYC. I'm guessing the cops were white... just guessing. I'm not saying it's easy to be a cop... but they unloaded 50 rounds into a car.

Posted by CJ at November 27, 2006 1:11 PM

was really wondering if you were going to Army v. Navy this year...only said happy thanksgiving as a pleasantry. sorry :(.

Poor Giants...

Posted by Blonde at November 28, 2006 7:00 PM

I was just kidding about the happy Thanksgiving stuff, though it is impossible to escape in the digital world, where is seems to be in every subject line in every e-mail from Monday-Wednesday.

Posted by Paul Katcher at November 28, 2006 8:44 PM
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