Let's see how I fared. (Things I've done in bold. Photos link to my collections of NYC pics.)

1. Order a coffee "regular"
Don't drink coffee.

2. Have personal water-bug and rat horror stories at the ready.
Never a problem over 11 years in two apartments.

3. Accept your bicycle as an integral part of your furniture.
Have my own wall rack in our building's bike storage room.

4. Get dripped on from above — and hope it's water from an AC.
Hell yeah. Nothing is more humbling than wiping the side of your face in public and smelling your fingers.

5. Claim a favorite spot in Central Park that doesn't include the word sheep, lawn, meadow or Bethesda.
Nope, 'cause my favorite spot is playing left-center field on one of the Great Lawn's many softball fields.

6. Get flashed by a perv.
I'm probably not among their target audience.

7. You know the Olympics will bring jobs and tourist dollars. You're even curious about the prospect of a canoe course in Queens. But deep down, you're sure that the Olympics in New York will just suck.
The American ideal has lost a bit of luster, among the international community, in recent years. No city is more equipped to reinforce faith in what the U.S. is supposed to be — diverse, free, welcoming, etc. NYC residents are defined, more than anything else, by ambition. That works quite well with the Olympic endeavor. This is much greater than whether it will be hard to get a cab for two weeks.

8. Have a meal for two that costs at least $300.
I'd rather splurge on things I won't crap out the next morning.

9. Be unable to leave the house in the morning without watching NY1.
Who leaves the house in the morning?

10. Master the 'Sidewalk Shuffle.'
Tourists almost always leave New York with warm feelings about how friendly our city is, certainly when compared to NYC's bogus rep for hardness. But they don't know that, when we walked behind their slow asses, we wished them dead 100 times over.

11. Adopt a piece of furniture you found on the street.
And adopt the pee stain that comes with it? No, thanks.

12. Identify August by the smell.
Hard to forget the stench of 100-degree dog crap. Or, as I like to call 'em, the Mets.

13. Be proud that you survived at least one of the following: The Great Smoking Ban of the early 2000s; The terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001; The summer of Son of Sam, 1977; The sanitation strike of '68; The blackout of '65, '77 or 2003; The Civil War draft riots of 1863.
Strangely worded entry. Proud to have survived 9/11? And can that event ever be categorized with a smoking ban in bars?

14. Make a joke about all the kitchens on East 6th Street's Indian Row being connected.
Wow, sounds like a doozy.

15. Roll your eyes whenever someone makes that joke about the kitchens on East 6th Street.
Like now?

16. Be able to cite a favorite Chinese restaurant on Mott Street
Who remembers names of Chinese restaurants? I just order from that place I always order from. Probably has a Szechuan in the name or something.

17. Buy a pair of socks at a street fair.
I won't buy socks unless I'm at a street fair. That way I have a purpose to walking past 10 blocks of vendors selling only lemonade, latin music CDs, cheap sunglasses ... and socks.

18. Know all the obscure references in Barneys' Christmas windows.
Um, no.

19. See — or be seen in — a sucky band at CBGB.
Was never into punk music, goth chicks or 12 set changes a night.

20. Incorporate a lexicon of Yiddish terms into your vocabulary.
Schlep, for sure. There's gotta be one or two more.

21. See the New York Grand Opera in Central Park.
Hahahahahaha

22. Surreptitiously "steal" a cab without other people realizing what you're doing.
Probably have done it, but I embrace the idea of not taking what I don't deserve.

23. Make a fool of yourself on the karaoke stage at Winnie's.
Have definitely made a fool of myself singing elsewhere.

24. Real estate (many entries).
None apply to me.

25. Spend some quality time with E.B. White's Here Is New York.
Never heard of it.

26. Strip to your underwear to try on discounted clothes in the middle of Century 21.
Undershirt, probably. Underpants, no.

27. Indulge in a classic pastrami on rye.
That and an order of fries at the former 2nd Avenue Deli ... yum.

28. A true New Yorker Knows... (many entries)
Yes, on almost all of them. Isn't this entire feature about what a true New Yorker knows? I don't get why these are grouped together.

29. Compulsively point out locations as you watch Martin Scorsese and Woody Allen movies.
Not compulsively, no.

30. Rotate your wardrobe out of storage each season.
Gotta think this isn't limited to New Yorkers, but anyone who lives in a city with climate change.

31. Get asked for directions by tourists...and then misdirect them on purpose.
No, that's stupid.

32. Go to the Bronx for something other than a baseball game.
Bronx Zoo, sure. Golf at Van Cortlandt. Not much else.

33. Dine at the newest, chicest restaurant or bar before the rave reviews ruin it.
Not a foodie. Couldn't care less.

34. Eat last night's take-out for breakfast ... and lunch.
If you eat left-overs, you must be from New York? Huh?

35. Have a one-night stand with a "musician" you met in a bar in Williamsburg.
Rarely make a trip out to the country.

36. Know where the Vermeers are in the Met.
Next to the third-floor men's shitter, right?

37. Be somebody's "plus one."
Ah, no.

38. Know where the city's only national park is ... and visit it.
No idea.

39. Navigate the West Village without a map.
I know where some bars are, but can't say it's a neighborhood I frequent often.

40. Carry on a conversation with a cabbie without understanding a word he says.
Like the chatterbox who kept yapping and yapping when I was dead-tired in the back after flying back from Fantasy Fest? Yeah, dude, whatever you say.

41. Things true New Yorkers do when venturing outside the city (various entires).
All of 'em apply to me. I especially like this one: "Peruse the local real-estate ads just to see what kind of mansion your NYC rent could get you in that podunk town."

... Shit, there's three more pages of stuff in this article. Continue here. I've never done this before, but I'm just gonna stop writing. This post is going nowhere.

The article doesn't apply to me. I guess 11 years on my own in America's biggest city doesn't make me a real New Yorker.