That's because, thanks to MLB's licensing agreement with Eternal Image, urns and caskets of the Yankees, Cubs, Dodgers and three other teams will be available by Opening Day.

Dying is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity if ever there was one, so while Tommy Lasorda is commanding you to the TV this postseason, don't go having a heart attack on the way to the tube. Wait till April, when you can go out in style.

This has to be the biggest news coming out of the National Funeral Directors Association's meeting in Philadelphia this week. Man, what a party that's gotta be.

(Thanks, Patrick, for the link)

Today's Web Finds:

• Video: Pam & Jim Uncensored in The Office — Ha, someone finally added a little spice to this sap-fest that threatens to ruin, Wedding Crashers-style, one of only three series I've watched regularly in a decade (Curb Your Enthusiasm, Entourage). Plus, Pam isn't exactly a "catch." Since when is a lack of ambition and horrible taste in fiancés captivating? At least Michael hooked up with Jan. No doubt she takes charge in the sack.

• Association of Professional Animal Waste Specialists — Imagine flying into Vegas on a random weekend, hoping there's some porn awards show scheduled, and finding out the Pooper-Scooper Convention is going on.

• Newscaster Does Faceplant on Skateboard — "I've been practicing hard," she says, a moment before proving that she hasn't practiced hard enough.

• Group Lists 10 Most Polluted Places on Earth — I guess Anna Benson snatch came in at No. 11.

• 'Marlboro Man' Rated Most Influential Imaginary Icon — Well, at least his influence benefited all those lung physicians.

• Best Cable Television Prank Calls (With Video) — Joan Crawford's daughter didn't get abused as much as public-access show hosts.