See Maxim's Found Porn collection for more unintentional humor in product names, signs, etc.

Today's Web Finds:

• The Yahoo Group JackOffToJoyceDeWitt Is Still Alive — I originally found this site in Jan. 2003, and it's pretty much the highlight of my blogging career. Anyway, I caught a bit of Three's Company the other night and wondered if anyone was still whacking it to the actress who plays Janet. And ... yes they are! There's even a new poll that asks members, "How would you respond to [Joyce] being naked in front of you and curled up with her well-rounded, plump ass right in your face?" I know how I'd react: Call the cops!

• Aretha Franklin's Breasts Apply for Statehood — This photo proves they're already big enough to warrant more electoral votes than Montana and Idaho.

• Penis-Pump Driver Crashes Into Bus — You know this has to happen all the time. Some dude is either tenderizing the tube steak or getting road head and ... bammo! Then it's a race for dignity to get those pants up before someone checks to see if you're OK.

• TheHairStyler.com — Found this site searching for some actress on Google. Anyway, it's a subscription site for men and women who can upload their own photo and see how they'd look in 5,000 different hairstyles, with step-by-instructions for cutting and maintaining. So if you really want to look like Ozzy Osborne, this is the site for you.

• Segway Recalls Scooters for Injury Risk — And thus ends the saga of the highly anticipated invention that was gonna change the world. I did get to crash one into a wall in a TIME magazine hallway, though, so that was cool.

• 10 Things Your Hospital Won't Tell You — Check out No. 9: "Avoid hospitals in July like the plague." But what if I don't avoid the plague? Then I'd need to go to the hospital in July. Man, I'm so confused.

• Register for Yankees Postseason Ticket Opportunity — The Bombers have adapted a new policy, where you have till Thursday to throw your hat into a ring for the opportunity to purchase postseason tickets. Sounds like a better idea than waiting on line forever at the Stadium or timing out constantly at TicketMolester.com. Not sure what the Red Sux will be doing for their postseason ticket sales. I'll keep you posted on that.