Many times in the past I've lauded Wikipedia for being a valuable resource for everything from sex positions to euphemisms for masturbation to World War II. Ya know, heavy shit.
But today, I highlight an entry that, once and for all, crowns Wikipedia the champion of all information.
Ladies and gentlemen, I present the 1982 Atari 2600 game Beat 'Em & Eat 'Em.
I was only nine years old when the game was released, too busy playing Intellivision baseball to care, so I hadn't heard of Beat 'Em and Eat 'Em till Wednesday.
Was is about eggs? No.
About a ruthless attack of aliens by Earthling carnivores? Not quite.
Beat 'Em & Eat 'Em was, accoring to Wikipedia...
[A game in which] the player controls a pair of nude women who scuttle back and forth underneath a building as a ridiculously well-endowed man constantly ejaculates from the roof top. The player's objective is to maneuver these women so that they consume the man's semen before it hits the ground.
Thus, I now rate Atari 2600 far superior to any video game console than has ever come after it. Sure as hell beats running the weak-side counter from the I-Twins set in Madden (which always works, by the way).
Today's Web Finds:
• Metacritic: Talladega Nights Reviews Average 66/100 — I saw this one on Wednesday afternoon. Not as bad as Wedding Crashers. Not as great as 40-Year-Old Virgin. It's about as good as Hollywood cares to do these days. Keep an eye out for catch-phrases and t-shirts that will make this thing more popular than it deserved (see: Napoleon Dynamite).
• Paul Lo Duca's Wife Naked — Not safe, I gather, for your work. Because seeing boobies is the root of all evil. Repent!
• Wkipedia's List of Songs About New York City — Not even close to complete, I'd imagine. But would make for a pretty good mix tape for your NYC crush. (If this was 1987.)
• SI.com Player Poll: Fastest and Slowest MLB Players — I guess every team has its slowpokes, especially at catcher and first base. But can you believe Jason Giambi can actually rag on Sal Fasano for being slow? It takes a triple to score that guy from second. The best part is that Bengie Molina straight-up dominates this thing as person most likely to succeed ... if the Earth turned to quicksand.
Ummm...I don't remember that game. At all. I am pretty sure I could master it now.
I loved Intellivision baseball and hockey.
We still bring out the Collecovision at my parents house every Thanksgiving. Old school games are still fun.
New Madden in just a few days! Woo hoo!
Posted by Blonde at August 10, 2006 7:14 PM