It's too hot in New York to think straight. Here's proof:
• I don't understand the idea of ordering someone to "wipe that shit-eating grin off your face." First, who smiles after eating shit? Second, if someone you were speaking to had just eaten shit, wouldn't you run like hell before anyone had a chance to wipe anything?
• How did pink and purple become the overwhelmingly favored colors for dildos and vibrators? Who gets off on what resembles an alien's dick? You don't see guys buying orange and green vibrating vaginas.
• It's time to amend the practice of labeling links to R- and X-rated content as "NSFW." The acronym should be more descriptive, so as to hint at a link's worth, while still protecting corporate drones from the horror of being fired from jobs that suck donkey balls. So let's introduce some new labels, like NABNWWOT (Nice Ass But Not Worth Whacking Off To), TWGFO (Totally Worth Getting Fired Over), PATFMT (Pamela Anderson's Tits For the Millionth Time), BCTTB (B-List Celeb Tanning Topless on a Boat), etc.
• Image how fat Americans would be if the frialator was a common kitchen appliance.
• This one's for Yankees fans like me who laugh at mere mentions of shitty players during our lean years: Cecilio Guante.
• I entered to win a pair of Knicks season tickets for 2006-07. Please wish me luck in losing.
• You have to be a grade-A assclown to buy a "Fuck You, You Fucking Fuck" t-shirt sold in Greenwich Village gift shops. Buy a pleather NASCAR jacket instead; you'll look cooler.
• Funniest e-mail I got from a fellow Yanks fan this week: "Wang looks really good. Man, that's uncomfortable to write."
• Jim Armstrong of the Denver Post made an interesting point on Around the Horn, when he said Roger Clemens, as great as he's been, may never have his number retired by any of the teams he's pitched for. I don't know if anyone's worn No. 21 in Boston since he left, but that would be a good indicator. (Update: I've been told the Sux have never re-issued No. 21.)
• If you're diagnosed with a terminal illness, I think the government should issue a card allowing you to legally gamble and bang hookers in all 50 states.
As an fyi, no one has worn Clemens' 21 in Boston since he left. I believe there was a chance of Beckett asking for it this past winter and he decided against it for that reason. In relative terms, Rice's 14, Nomar's 5 and even Boggs' 26 have been passed around since they left. They're saving 21.
Posted by krs017 at August 3, 2006 9:05 AM