But I think found something better.

Conan O'Brien's recent commencement speech at Stuyvesant High School is a first-rate piece of writing. His message centers around doing what makes you happy, but the address itself is a lesson in joke-telling. Some excerpts:

[On the history of the NYC school, which he claimed to have researched on Wikipedia "not five minutes ago on my Blackberry"]: "In 1969, girls were admitted to Stuyvesant for the first time. This started a new trend among the boys called showering. You didn't want to be here pre-1969."

"Today, Stuyvesant has a remarkably diverse and varied student body, ranging from math geeks to science nerds."

[On upcoming college years]: "If you want to get out of a test, don't say you have a family emergency. Everyone says they have a family emergency in college and it never works. Say you have diarrhea. No one ever says they have diarrhea unless they do."

"If something intrigues you, take a small chance. You might just find your entire life you've been planning on. It could be biophysics, it could be medicine, could be puppetry, could be ultimate fighting, beekeeping, government, or whatever the hell it is Ryan Seacrest does. Don't really know what that is. "

"Tonight, many of you will party — it could get pretty rockin'. All I ask is that you remember to stop for a moment, take out your cell phone, and invite me along. My home number is 212-664-3737. Seriously, I have no plans."

More Commencement Speeches:

• Stephen Colbert at Knox College (2006) — "I have two last pieces of advice. First, being pre-approved for a credit card does not mean you have to apply for it. And lastly, the best career advice I can give you is to get your own TV show. It pays well, the hours are good, and you are famous. And eventually some very nice people will give you a doctorate in fine arts for doing jack squat."

• Will Ferrell at Harvard's Class Day (2003) — "Some of you will be captains of industry and business. Others of you will go on to great careers in medicine, law and public service. Four of you — and I'm not at liberty to say which four — will go on to magnificent careers in the porno industry. I'm not trying to be funny. That's just a statistical fact."

• Kermit the Frog at Southampton College (1996) — "On behalf of frogs, fish, pigs, bears and all of the other species who are lower than you on the food chain, thank you for dedicating your lives to saving our world and our home." (Seriously, there's nothing funny in this thing.)

• Jon Stewart at William & Mary (2004) — "I am honored to be here and to receive this honorary doctorate. When I think back to the people that have been in this position before me from Benjamin Franklin to Queen Noor of Jordan, I can't help but wonder what has happened to this place. Seriously, it saddens me. As a person, I am honored to get it; as an alumnus, I have to say I believe we can do better. And I believe we should. But it has always been a dream of mine to receive a doctorate and to know that today, without putting in any effort, I will. It's incredibly gratifying. Thank you."

• George W. Bush at U.S. Merchant Marine Academy (2006) — "I've a message for the Iranian regime: America and our partners are united."

Interesting note: This 2004 article reported on the high percentage of left-leaners on the commencement-speech circuit: "Of the top 15 universities, 10 are having politically active speakers; nine of those speakers are liberals or Democrats."

The idea that the country's brightest educators and students are more apt to lean left does not surprise me at all. Among the U.S. News & World Report's ranking of top national universities, only one school in the top 16 (Duke) resides in a state that re-elected Bush.