But now comes something really scary, Forbes.com's ranking of Top 100 Celebrities, which lists Larry the Cable Guy at No. 83. The same guy who made $19 million over the past 12 months while sporting a wardrobe that costs $4.98 with Wal-Mart coupons.

There is hope, however, that Forbes is merely late in posting an April Fool's gag, as they refer to LTCG as a "blue-collar, red-state funny man," and I've never heard those last two words used to describe him. (Though I have seen LTCG ranked atop at least one list on AmIAnnoying.com.)

Also on the celeb list, even more indicators of the world's sophisticated tastes: Dr. Phil McGraw (No. 22), Celine Dion (No. 24), Rachel Ray (No. 81) and Ryan Seacrest (No. 88).

Good luck to suicide-prevention hotlines today. Gotta be hard to talk someone off a bridge after learning that a 30-minute kitchen chef is more famous than all but 80 people in a world of billions.

Related: Here's an old video of Larry the Cable Guy when he was performing under his real name, Dan Whitney.

Today's Web Finds:

• Video: David Lee Roth Performs Jump ACOUSTIC — Best Week Ever blog claims the world really did come to an end on 6/6/06, when DLR hit the stage on The Tonight Show that night.

• Daily Show Clip: Bush Gets Fooled — The ol' "Fool me once ... ... shame on you. Fool me ... we can't get fooled again" speech. Not awkward at all.

• Dustin Diamond Selling T-Shirts to Save His House — Screech is pimping this business so he doesn't end up homeless in Wisconsin. Which is what most people would probably pay to see, anyway. (Thanks, Joe)

• AOL Feature: America's Hottest Bartenders — Featuring guys and gals in such locales as New York, Miami, Vegas, L.A., etc. This being an AOL product, it absolutely, completely sucks. But go ahead and see if any of your favorite drink-slingers are in there.

• 10 Things Your Rental Car Company Won't Tell You — No. 10 is: "We offer some terrific deals — on Thursdays when the moon is full." Cool, that's when I like to travel.

• Video: Jamie Kennedy Rollin' With Saget — Would have been way funnier if it wasn't a Lazy Sunday rip-off. Still, it's not too bad, but the white-guy-doing-hip-hop thing has about 3 minutes left.

• Sudoku Toilet Paper — I wonder if the inventor of the game ever bragged to his skeptical friends, "Someday, this will be so huge, people will be wiping their shit on it!" (Found on College Humor)

• YouTube: Funny DUI — This police questioning involves one dropped wallet, one significant plumber's crack, two stumbles into walls, and one needed can of spackle. (Thanks, John)

• Crank Yankers Clip: Niles Foils Match.com Hook-Up Phone Call — See what happens when some dork extraordinaire calls Louise to advance their online romance. He says he has a "very good body" (of course), thinks she sounds really sexy and inquires if she's into anal. Listening on another phone, Niles says he wants to put a florescent lightbulb and bicycle horn up Louise's ass. For some reason, the caller freaks out.

• Website Offers Modeling Service to Help Sell Your T-Shirts — For $75/hour, models in NY/NJ/PA are available to be photographed wearing your product. I don't know how much extra it would cost to have them change in front of you. (Thanks, Kevin)