For my money, though, the most confusing song is "Those Were the Days," the theme to All in the Family. I don't think I knew the real lyrics till I had a college degree, and I dare anyone to get it right the first time, especially with Jean Stapleton squawking like a parrot trapped in a box fan.

Apparently, I'm not the only one, as the website AmIRight.com has a big list of mistaken lines associated with the song.

Some of them are clearly made up, but others make at least a little sense. Among the most confused parts is "Gee, our ol' LaSalle ran great," which I thought was "G.R.O. [something incomprehensible]" for, oh, about 15 years. But at least I didn't think it was "Gee, a roll and salad, great!"

And don't be hating on Herbert Hoover. Mister, we can use a man like him again, not "Mister we could use a man like her to prove we're all gay."

("Those Were the Days" MP3 available here.)

Today's Web Finds:

• The 10 Beers We Love to Hate — Stuff magazine says about Natural Light, "It's almost as if someone bottled the sadness of all the terminally ill children in the world." But with that combination of low carbs and low prices, I say bring on the mini wheelchairs.

• Video: Reporter Gets Owned — Funny clip of a reporter getting knocked on her ass when a lighting fixture falls on her head. I vote fake, because the sound effects are too good, but if it's real, then take a bow, woman. Ya know, after you're stitched up. (Found on Gorilla Mask)

• Photos: Britney Spears Crying in New York Restaurant — Jeez, I wish everyone would just leave the poor girl alone. It's not like she's bringing babies into restaurants while sporting a backless shirt and an exposed thong. Oh wait, she is.

• Why Do Ink Cartridges Cost So Much? — PC World on consumer revolt over ink-jet cartridges that are more expensive, by weight, than imported Russian caviar. And they taste a whole lot shittier, too.

• Video: Dane Cook on Puking — If you've ever found yourself in front of toilet breathing "19 different ways," you know lunch is about to re-introduce itself. Or those eight margaritas you had at happy hour with no more than four nacho chips.

• Man Bowls Perfect Game at Age 81 — Big deal. Wait till I turn 81; I guarantee he won't accept my challenge.

• iPod Killers for Summer 2006 — Good, I can't wait to chuck my Mini and its battery indicator that lies more O.J., this after my first-generation model died from, ya know, using it. I never wanna give Apple another dime for a product designed to crap out — unlike digital cameras and cell phones with replaceable batteries — thus enticing you to spend another $300 in two years.

• eBay: The Complete Guide To Dating Strippers — I'm guessing the foreword was written by Jason Giambi.