I don't know about you, but we had one one "sexy" teacher in high school, the one everyone made up stories about — yeah, the football team helped her move, and she did the whole squad afterward — back when you (OK, me) could get a hard-on from a Sears catalog. (Now, it's strictly J.C. Penny.)

So I don't pay much attention to news about teachers like Pamela Rogers. Unless someone on eBay issues an action figure of her likeness titled "Whores in the News." Then I pretty much laugh my ass off.

This, of course, is no laughing matter for male members of her Tennessee community. Not only because she took criminal advantage of a 14-year-old student, but because the gents in the area are so pathetic that she had to hit on said 14-year-old student for intercourse and oral sex more than a dozen times during a three-month relationship.

Seriously, guys, you're getting beat out by kids who play Nintendo? C'mon!

Today's Web Finds:

• Rick Stengel Named Next Managing Editor of TIME Magazine — I didn't even know the position was opening, but I was thrilled to see that Rick, who was managing editor of TIME.com when I was hired as senior producer in 2000, will assume the post. He remains one of the smartest people I've ever met, and that's not hyperbole. To run a general news magazine like TIME, you have to know your shit about everything from international politics to pop culture. When I interviewed with Rick, I remember asking him how many cover stories he wrote for the magazine. He said he'd forgotten how many, and I thought that was cool as hell. By comparison, I got a byline for one magazine piece during my tenure, and I was so proud. Above all, Rick was my boss on 9/11, a day that bonded our group forever, of course. Having the responsibility to report news to America and the world on that day was serious and emotional. We had an edit meeting in our bullpen shortly after the Twin Towers fell, and I remember Rick telling us that if we knew someone who was down there, we were, of course, free to tend to our personal lives. I said, not sarcastically but matter-of-factly, "We all know someone who was down there." We just didn't know whom, but we also knew we had a job to do. Not for traffic or ad dollars, but for the public who desperately needed information. That day, more than all others combined, illuminated to me the importance of the media, and I was glad to have Rick around to lead us through it.

• Central Park to Have Free Wi-Fi Access This Summer — Excellent. Now tourists can read this site on one of those romantic carriage rides. Ya know, if your idea of "romantic" is seeing a horse crap right in front of you.

• 'Fat Naked Guy' Gets 51 Months for 'Survivor' Tax Dodge — Go ahead, pick the part of the headline Richard Hatch should be most embarrassed with. That he's headed for the clink, or that CNN remembers him as the "fat naked guy." He'd better makes news somehow else, because that epitaph ain't looking to good right now. Set the farting world record or something. Anything!

• Benihana Recipes — Those hibachi dinners look so damn easy, don't they? They put butter and soy sauce on any vegetable or meat, and it comes out better than anything I've ever made. Take your own shot at it with these recipes.

• Bill O'Reilly Teaches You How to Play Poker — A Cracked feature that includes such advice as "Check-Raising a Jew." Beware of his "consummate greed" and "long, dirty fingernails." (Don't feel left out, homosexuals, you get stereotyped, too.)

• Teacher Erica Chevillar's HOT Photos — She didn't do anything illegal, but she drew some criticism for posting racy photos online. Criticism only from women, I'm sure. Because no dad would ever object to a PTA meeting with this chick. (Found on College Humor)

• All Things Web 2.0 — Tons and tons of web tools to get you through this Internet thing, which really could take off one of these days. (I honestly typed "All Thongs Web 2.0" at first. Someone get working on that list.) (Thanks, Eddie)

• Mystery Solved. Ashley's Nose Is in Jessica's Chest — Finally, the truth about Ms. Simpson's breasts. (Thanks, Knowledge Man)

• Bill Simmons Reviews Mike & the Mad Dog — I'd planned to do this some day, but five hours of that duo and I may have killed myself. Laughed out loud at his note after Fatso and Fruit Loops interviewed the Yankees' manager: "Torre leaves to do some stretching and nose-picking exercises before tonight's game..."

• Video: Adam Sandler as the "Stud Boy" on MTV's Remote Control — Funny shit if you remember the show.