Useless splash pages that led to the clever Skip Intro! site. Interfaces that disallowed individual URLs for critical pages, so that users were prevented from bookmarking, e-mailing or linking to (from their own sites) directions to businesses or specific pictures from impactful photo galleries. Not to mention strictly timed slideshows that dictated to the user how quickly he could skip from Point A to Point B. (Would you buy a newspaper with pages that turned on a timer?)

Then someone discovered that Flash is best used for short films like Mama's Got Her Boobs Out, and the Internet grew to become the invaluable information resource it is today, a place to find such items as the Colt Anal Douche on Amazon.com.

Today's Web Finds:

• F-Shaped Pattern For Reading Web Content — Web usability expert Jakob Nielsen's latest edition of Alertbox illustrates how users scan pages in a F-shape, reading the first couple of parts horizontally and then scanning vertically. I do this all the time when I'm surfing porn.

• Next NYC Mondo Porno Party Set For Fri., April 28 — This occasional rock 'n' porn extravaganza is slated for next Friday at the righteous Arlene's Grocery. At the last one, I was ordering a beer at the bar when I snagged one-handed a flying DVD of Vacuum Hoes #3. It was a tremendous feat of coordination and complete filth. Of course, I'll be back for #4!

• Suit: Hooters Staff Trainer Suggested Waitresses Put Out for Extra Bucks — A lawsuit claims that a trainer in an Alabama Hooters suggested to female waitresses: "If you need the extra money, go ahead and suck a dick or fuck a customer if the money is right." Where was this kind of customer service in Clearwater, Fla., last month?

• Google Video's Top 100 Index — I don't know how Google arrives at this ranking (viewed? recommended? whacked-off to?), but the top 100 are right here.

• Video: Red Sux Fan Serenaded By 'Asshole' Chant at Yankee Stadium — Honeslty, I think it's 5% funny and 95% sad. We can do better than that. Last week at the Stadium, a grown man seated near us was forced to turn inside-out his "Boston Sucks" T-shirt. He came into an afternoon baseball game as a posterboard of crassness and left looking like a hobo.

• 2006 Webby Awards Nominations — Anyone care about the Webbys anymore? My god, people used to fly to San Francisco for these things. I know when I think of great sports sites, I think of T-systems Hightech Sailing. It's up against ESPN.com.

• Where All the Jews At? — Gothamist finds a U.S. map that highlights where in the U.S. people of the Jewish faith reside. Don't look like there's a lot of gefilte fish being sold in Nebraska.

• Cougar: A Guide for Older Women Dating Younger Men — So, I'm just now learning about this "cougar" thing, the notion of emotionally and financially stable, older women hunting younger men for no-strings trysts. I wish Trump would finally build a god-damn bar under the buildings down my street so I can find out for myself.

• Cocktale Confessions — Has the title a gay man's blog, but it's written by my friend Jo, a veteran bartender at Doc Holliday's in Alphabet City and all-around super-cool chick. Check out her 10 commandments for tipping, you cheapstakes.