If so, you're a perfect candidate to appear on psfights.com, a repository for fight videos of Americans so trashy Jerry Springer wouldn't return their calls.

You won't see any university buildings in the backdrop, no majestic skyscrapers, no thriving businesses. These brawls are held mostly in barren fields and empty parking lots, locales as desperate and hopeless as the people involved.

With several clips added daily, this voyeurism of violence apparently is quite popular. Here are some of the most interesting ones I've seen:

• Bat Beatdown — Mano-a-mano rules of engagement are broken when a third party enters. Madness ensues. Five-star rating if only for the clearly audible hick accents of the voices of reason.

• Mexican vs. Black Girl Fight — Well, it's not all white trash. Love how the camera kid admonishes a fat chick for getting in the way of his recording.

• Double Fight — Listen to these heathens howling and yelling, "Break his neck!" while another worries about about more important matters. "Hey, off the car!"

• Drunk Guy Gets Jumped — Haha, your typical boozebag, couldn't-get-laid-so-now-I'm-pissed fight. I can only imagine what started this whole fracas. Maybe someone cut in line to pay for beef jerky or something. Anyway, this tall dude calls someone a bitch, then gets owned.

Today's Web Finds:

• Dumpster Baby Available for Rent at Blockbuster — "A premature crack baby abandoned in an inner city dumpster embarks on a surreal journey..." Anybody else smell Oscar? Or just my regurgitated lunch? (Found on College Humor)

• Pauly Shore's Best Work: VH1 Specials — You know how you can rank an actor's films by rating on IMDB? Well, I checked Pauly's to see how his duds ranked. Pretty bad, as you can imagine. In fact, The Best of Jenny McCarthy Playboy video (at a palty 5.65) ranked better than just about anything he's done.

• The Godfather Video Game Reviews — Metacritic rounds up 29 reviews for the newly released game, modeled after the movie. Sporting an aggregate score of 77, reviews are deemed to be generally favorable.

• Video: One Shining Moment From Syracuse's 2003 National Championship — Gerry, Hak, Josh Pace, a non-depressed Billy Edelin and, of course, 'Melo. Three frosh and two sophomores. What a team we had. (Thanks, Tony)

• Mark Grace and Toby Harrah the Greatest Clutch Hitters of Our Generation — An excerpt from a new Baseball Prospectus book examines whether David Ortiz is as clutch as his rep proclaims, lists the best career clutch ratings since 1972 and studies how much of an effect that quality has on a season.

• Authorities Shut Down Sadomasochistic Dungeon — Sometimes the lead paragraph is all you need: "At least six men traveled from across the nation and South America to have their genitals mutilated in what Haywood County authorities described as a sadomasochistic dungeon." (Thanks, Laurie)

• Hockey League Shaken By Mom Who Shakes Boobs at Opposing Players/Fans — The story is an oldie, but obviously a goodie. And a slutty. (Thanks, Larry)

• Thief Gets Away With Jerry Garcia's Toilet — Hasn't this toilet been through enough pain and suffering?