There are many reasons why patrons of the whatever-the-fuck-is-maximum-rated Manhattan restaurant Per Se do not often mix with those who frequent the Jerome Avenue McDonalds (JAM^TM hereafter) in the Bronx. To wit:

• Per Se coaxes the super-rich out of their penthouse apartments. The JAM^TM caters to Penthouse subscribers, in a neighborhood where the fifth mugging is free.

• Per Se has been ranked as the world's seventh-best restaurant (and tops in the U.S.), and was one of four NYC restaurants to receive the coveted three-star Michelin rating. In the parking lot of the JAM^TM, you might get a good deal on used Michelin tires.

• While Per Se's food menu begins and ends at $210, that amount of coin nets 140 cheeseburgers at the JAM^TM, enough to feed up to three Bronx families for an entire half-day.

But the real reason why these parties don't mix: Jerome Avenue McDonald's customers would never be caught in a dump like Per Se!

Yesterday, the Manhattan User's Guide rounded up NYC health department reports on notable NYC eateries, prompting me to do a little research of my own.

Well, when sorting through some scores, I saw that the Jerome Avenue McDonald's received a Golden Apple with it's score of 4. Per Se, meanwhile, got a 22.

This ain't baseball, people. We score this one like golf and pubic hair: the fewer the better.

Take a bow, JAM^TM. You showed those French dirtbags that we will let nothing stand in the way of making this the fattest country on the planet.

Today's New York Links:

• Tucker Max Profiled in the New York Post — The self-proclaimed asshole — and author of the 67th best-selling book on Amazon.com — takes some hits from a Post gal who met him out for a date. He retorts with, "Elizabeth is a divorced, recovering alcoholic and drug addict, alone and desperate and as unself-aware as a person can possibly be (this is not my characterization, she admits to all of this). I may attract some broken women (and I do), but even I have standards, and this one was fucked up beyond all repair."

• Johnny & Billy's Live Rock Karaoke — Every Monday night at Snitch (21 Street bet. 5th & 6th Aves.), there's an alternative to the cult-like live-band karaoke at Arlene's Grocery, also held on Monday night. The set list looks great — almost all hard rock — so I'll have to check this out.

• New York County Only 13th in Ranking of U.S. Millionaires — Only 62,773 are worth at least $1 million? This is bullshit! Did they include Johnny Damon yet? Some of you people have got to start making shitty Larry the Cable Guy movies, or we're never gonna catch L.A.

• NYC Ranks Fourth Among World's Top 15 Skylines — My fucking ass we're fourth. First, look at the ugly-ass picture they chose for us, while other cities get night shots, even some that are airbrushed. How 'bout something from the air, or looking across the Brooklyn Bridge, instead looking at the Midtown West docks. Think that might help a litte? (Found on Smit Happens)