• If you're walking your dog, and he stops to take a whizz on the sidewalk, can you get ticketed for public urination if you piss right next to him?

• Steal my marketing idea: a T-shirt for obese men, in sizes XXXL and larger, that reads STOP STARING AT MY TITS.

• There's gay, there's flaming, and then there's that male figure skater who performed to James Blunt's "You're Beautiful" in the Olympics.

• That Vegas tourism commercial in which those two ladies lie about who they are, giving people fictional TV characters' names instead, really sums up that place, huh? A place in which a simply question like, "What's your name?" isn't guaranteed a truthful response. And, hey, let's use THAT to advertise the city! I'd be embarrassed if that was a New York tourism spot. But nothing crazy ever goes on here.

• I wonder how many Playboy subscribers got that issue with Jessica Alba on the cover in the mail, started hyperventilating with surprise and anticipation, and had their pants around their ankles before they realized she didn't pose naked for it. Then cursed Hugh Hefner's name to the heavens for being a worse tease than a chick who goes out to clubs with $5 in her purse.

• The next person I hear scream "Freebird!" to a local band dies.

• And while we're at it, you can stop flipping the bird in party photos, using phrases like "'nuff said" when there's plenty more to be said, and saying "not that there's anything wrong with that" every fucking time a gay reference is made.

• Saw on Wikipedia that the Yankees have clinched only nine World Series at Yankee Stadium. Not that it isn't a huge number compared to other teams, but nine at home and 17 on the road is a bit of a statistical oddity, no?

• If you could pick one wingman to help you find a horny broad, er, "soul mate," would it really be Dr. Neil Clark Warren from the eHarmony commercials?