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Thursday, February 16, 2006

Top 10 Greatest Wrestling Babes Ever

Thanks to attention garnered on Dancing With the Stars — a show that has all the testosterone of a Brokeback Mountain viewing party at Pat Patterson's house — even non-wrestling fans are becoming familiar with Stacy Keibler.

The Stuff magazine cover girl long ago vaulted past Alyssa Milano and Nicole Eggert as my No. 1 babe, so, of course, she tops this list of the most spanktacular wrestling babes of all time.

Let's see who else makes the cut.

(It should be noted that, to qualify, these "babes" must be certifiable females, thus Chyna and Nicole Bass are automatically eliminated. Though I did once review Chyna and X-Pac's sex video, and it remains one of most emotionally scarring half-hours of my life. I could watch Midget Clowns on Ice and not be so disturbed.)

No. 10: Mae Young
Never has a woman's name been so oxymoronic. Born in 1923, Young became a professional wrestler when Germany invaded Poland, for Christ's sake. And while I like older broads, I don't get hot for 82-year-olds. But Young makes the list, because she provided some of the biggest laughs in wrestling history when, in her late '70s, she gave birth to a hand sired by 400-pound "Sexual Chocolate" Mark Henry, won the Miss Royal Rumble competition with the saggiest tits this side of Joan Rivers, and wound up getting powerbombed by through a table by Bubba Ray Dudley. Her IMDB credits include parts in Law & Order: Criminal Intent and ... WWE Divas: Undressed! I think I'm gonna throw up.
Links: Wikipedia profile | Mae Young gallery (view at own risk)

No. 9: Major Gunnz
Some of you online T&A hounds might know her better as Tylene Buck (Google Images), but I'll always remember her as Major Gunnz, a hilarious character name the WCW concocted to ramp up its sleaze-fest with the then-WWF. Ah, those were the days. Gunnz was a favorite of low-carb dieters, 'cause she's got a bit of a butterface going on. Still, it's "Bombs Away!"
Links: Wikipedia profile | Major Gunnz gallery

No. 8: Fabulous Moolah
I love Moolah for a number of reasons, not the least of which is that her name is Moolah. Is there an uglier-sounding name on the planet than Moolah? At least she wasn't kidding herself and tried to parade around as Seductive Lillian Ellison. Another reason I love her is that she looks like a woman you wouldn't be embarrassed to get in the ring with. Even if you punched her in the face with brass knuckles a few times, you wouldn't do too much damage. And then you can go knock back shots of Jack with her and pay her $100 to hit on your drunk friends.
Links: Wikipedia profile | Fabulous Moolah gallery

No. 7: Torrie Wilson
She came along a little late for me, as I haven't really watched wrestling since the WWE bought WCW and the creative juices seemed to get sapped. But, um, look at that body, OK? Plus, she did Playboy, so she has to make the list.
Links: Wikipedia profile | Torrie Wilson & Sable Playboy pics

No. 6: Terri Runnels
This gal's a six-pack of tanning salon coupons from being mistaken for Al Sharpton's niece, but she's smokin'. Literally. Her trademark cigar was among the most phallic gimmicks Vince McMahon ever promoted. And leaning over the ropes and showing her cleavage to a crowd of 12-year-olds wasn't bad, either.
Links: Wikipedia profile | Terri Runnels gallery

No. 5: Kimberly Page
The wife of Diamond Dallas Page, former Nitro girl and long-ago model in Playboy newsstand specials had a hand in Howard Stern's Private Parts. Which made me put a hand on my private parts. The only thing that stands in my way of scoring with her is DDP. He's only 6-5, 253 pounds, so that shouldn't be much of a hurdle.
Links: Wikipedia profile | Kimberly Page gallery

No. 4: Miss Elizabeth
She's wasn't nearly as slutty as her contemporaries, but in an era when the most scantily-clad member of the WWF was the Ultimate Warrior, she was a bonafide '80s piece of ass. The First Lady of Wrestling used to get her panties wet for real-life husband (and current rap star) Randy "Macho Man" Savage ... simply by sitting on his sweaty shoulder after all his wins.
Links: Wikipedia profile | Miss Elizabeth gallery

No. 3: Debra McMichael
I loathe the corporate culture, but when it comes with business suits exploding with cleavage, sign me up for an 8:30 a.m. meeting. And make sure the conference table has reinforcements. Looking back, she's got a little Kathy Griffin hair going on, but who doesn't get hot for that? Besides no one.
Links: Wikipedia profile | Debra McMichael gallery

No. 2: Sable
This biker-trash-lookin', fake-titty vixen played the art of seduction perfectly. Before Vince McMahon responded to pussified critics and said that Monday Night RAW wouldn't show any nudity, ratings went through the roof as viewers tuned in to see how far these new bikini, mud-wrestling and nightgown matches would push the cable envelope. Sable is most famous for those painted breasts that won a 1998 bikini contest, three Playboy photoshoots and a contract dispute with McMahon, before she fell off the face of the Earth. Only to be brought back after ratings dropped like my dick when Mae Young appears on-screen.
Links: Wikipedia profile | Sable in Playboy

No. 1: Stacy Keibler
Get a load of that ass, Takashi.

Wikipedia lists her finishing move as the "Keibler Kick." For male fans, it's the "Kleenex."
Links: Wikipedia profile | Stacy Keibler galleries

Category: Sports | Permalink | Post a Comment (9)

Comments: Top 10 Greatest Wrestling Babes Ever

Elizabeth should be number 1, but you made me laugh my ass of moolah, best name ever, thank you Paul.

Posted by John L. Williams 32 at February 16, 2006 5:02 AM

Paul, your list was deplorable. How could you possibly omit Trish Stratus? It's utterly inexcusable. She not only has been the most active women's wrestler/valet since 2000, she also is a multiple winner of the Babe of the Year contest. Leaving Trish Stratus off this list is like making a list of the top 20 NBA players of the last 20 years and leaving Michael Jordan off. You should be ashamed and thrown in prison. Please do not EVER make a listing about women in professional wrestling ever again. It's clear you have no idea what you are talking about.

Posted by MMadler at February 16, 2006 9:47 AM

Top 5 (in their time)
1. Stacy Keibler
2. Sunny
3. Trish Stratus
4. Maria Kanellis
5. Torrie Wilson

Sable, Debra, and Terri Runnels don't belong on the list.

Posted by BaBaBooey313 at February 16, 2006 11:28 AM

I was never much of a Status fan. She probably won those Babe of the Year thingies when I stopped watching.

Eh, who cares anyway? It's a list of tits and oil. And Geritol, in a couple of cases.

Somehow I've remained familiar with Keibler, though. Not that I can tell you any of her storylines. I guess the mainstream-mag photoshoots have kept my interest.

Posted by Paul Katcher at February 16, 2006 12:08 PM

I just checked the Dancing With the Stars site to see if Stacy was still in it, and came across this message board thread, about whether she's had too much dance experience:

Some loser, who really must be good-looking, had this complaint: "The pictures she puts of herself on the web are so lusty and sleazy, it's disgusting. She just wants men to fall all over her."

Had to laugh at this reply: "Why don't you go play with your cats you fat, jealous, old spinster?"

Posted by Paul Katcher at February 16, 2006 12:49 PM

No Sunny, no Sherri Martel? I would have taken Mae Young and Major Gunns out of there easily.

Sunny should have been top 3. She was the only thing the WWF had going for a while.

Posted by Mike at February 16, 2006 1:05 PM

How could you forget the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling (G.L.O.W.)?!

Posted by Eric at February 16, 2006 1:39 PM

No mention of Woman (former wife of Kevin Sullivan, current wife of Chris Benoit)? For shame!


Posted by PDX_Hops at February 16, 2006 5:20 PM

Debra should be at number 1
Torrie at number 2
Trish at number 3
Lita at number 4
Sunny at numner 5
& stacy just missing out at number 6

Thats my top 5!!

Posted by kirsty-oxox at April 7, 2006 2:54 AM
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