Thanks to attention garnered on Dancing With the Stars a show that has all the testosterone of a Brokeback Mountain viewing party at Pat Patterson's house even non-wrestling fans are becoming familiar with Stacy Keibler.
The Stuff magazine cover girl long ago vaulted past Alyssa Milano and Nicole Eggert as my No. 1 babe, so, of course, she tops this list of the most spanktacular wrestling babes of all time.
Let's see who else makes the cut.
(It should be noted that, to qualify, these "babes" must be certifiable females, thus Chyna and Nicole Bass are automatically eliminated. Though I did once review Chyna and X-Pac's sex video, and it remains one of most emotionally scarring half-hours of my life. I could watch Midget Clowns on Ice and not be so disturbed.)
No. 10: Mae Young
Never has a woman's name been so oxymoronic. Born in 1923, Young became a professional wrestler when Germany invaded Poland, for Christ's sake. And while I like older broads, I don't get hot for 82-year-olds. But Young makes the list, because she provided some of the biggest laughs in wrestling history when, in her late '70s, she gave birth to a hand sired by 400-pound "Sexual Chocolate" Mark Henry, won the Miss Royal Rumble competition with the saggiest tits this side of Joan Rivers, and wound up getting powerbombed by through a table by Bubba Ray Dudley. Her IMDB credits include parts in Law & Order: Criminal Intent and ... WWE Divas: Undressed! I think I'm gonna throw up.
Links: Wikipedia profile | Mae Young gallery (view at own risk)
No. 9: Major Gunnz
Some of you online T&A hounds might know her better as Tylene Buck (Google Images), but I'll always remember her as Major Gunnz, a hilarious character name the WCW concocted to ramp up its sleaze-fest with the then-WWF. Ah, those were the days. Gunnz was a favorite of low-carb dieters, 'cause she's got a bit of a butterface going on. Still, it's "Bombs Away!"
Links: Wikipedia profile | Major Gunnz gallery
No. 8: Fabulous Moolah
I love Moolah for a number of reasons, not the least of which is that her name is Moolah. Is there an uglier-sounding name on the planet than Moolah? At least she wasn't kidding herself and tried to parade around as Seductive Lillian Ellison. Another reason I love her is that she looks like a woman you wouldn't be embarrassed to get in the ring with. Even if you punched her in the face with brass knuckles a few times, you wouldn't do too much damage. And then you can go knock back shots of Jack with her and pay her $100 to hit on your drunk friends.
Links: Wikipedia profile | Fabulous Moolah gallery
No. 7: Torrie Wilson
She came along a little late for me, as I haven't really watched wrestling since the WWE bought WCW and the creative juices seemed to get sapped. But, um, look at that body, OK? Plus, she did Playboy, so she has to make the list.
Links: Wikipedia profile | Torrie Wilson & Sable Playboy pics
No. 6: Terri Runnels
This gal's a six-pack of tanning salon coupons from being mistaken for Al Sharpton's niece, but she's smokin'. Literally. Her trademark cigar was among the most phallic gimmicks Vince McMahon ever promoted. And leaning over the ropes and showing her cleavage to a crowd of 12-year-olds wasn't bad, either.
Links: Wikipedia profile | Terri Runnels gallery
No. 5: Kimberly Page
The wife of Diamond Dallas Page, former Nitro girl and long-ago model in Playboy newsstand specials had a hand in Howard Stern's Private Parts. Which made me put a hand on my private parts. The only thing that stands in my way of scoring with her is DDP. He's only 6-5, 253 pounds, so that shouldn't be much of a hurdle.
Links: Wikipedia profile | Kimberly Page gallery
No. 4: Miss Elizabeth
She's wasn't nearly as slutty as her contemporaries, but in an era when the most scantily-clad member of the WWF was the Ultimate Warrior, she was a bonafide '80s piece of ass. The First Lady of Wrestling used to get her panties wet for real-life husband (and current rap star) Randy "Macho Man" Savage ... simply by sitting on his sweaty shoulder after all his wins.
Links: Wikipedia profile | Miss Elizabeth gallery
No. 3: Debra McMichael
I loathe the corporate culture, but when it comes with business suits exploding with cleavage, sign me up for an 8:30 a.m. meeting. And make sure the conference table has reinforcements. Looking back, she's got a little Kathy Griffin hair going on, but who doesn't get hot for that? Besides no one.
Links: Wikipedia profile | Debra McMichael gallery
No. 2: Sable
This biker-trash-lookin', fake-titty vixen played the art of seduction perfectly. Before Vince McMahon responded to pussified critics and said that Monday Night RAW wouldn't show any nudity, ratings went through the roof as viewers tuned in to see how far these new bikini, mud-wrestling and nightgown matches would push the cable envelope. Sable is most famous for those painted breasts that won a 1998 bikini contest, three Playboy photoshoots and a contract dispute with McMahon, before she fell off the face of the Earth. Only to be brought back after ratings dropped like my dick when Mae Young appears on-screen.
Links: Wikipedia profile | Sable in Playboy
No. 1: Stacy Keibler
Get a load of that ass, Takashi.
Wikipedia lists her finishing move as the "Keibler Kick." For male fans, it's the "Kleenex."
Links: Wikipedia profile | Stacy Keibler galleries