In which case, you might want to check out this 11-minute video titled MySpace: The Movie. In which case, you might want to tell me how it is, because my attention span online is about 48 seconds. But what I saw of it was pretty funny.

Today's Web Finds:

• Boobfest 2006 — The Phat Free runs down the usual suspects found at Mardi Gras, including the The Skank, The Boob Job Bimbo and The Old Lady. Cheers to them all.

• Video: Lingerie Bowl Nipple Slip — Even more shocking than Jenny McCarthy commenting that an angle of a bent-over center was a "Taco Bell Shot": people actually attended this thing.

• Douching with Coke Not an Effective Form of Pregnancy Prevention — So says the Discovery Channel. Diet Rite, however, works great. (Found on Gorilla Mask)

• AdultFriendFinder.com Is Web's 44th Most-Popular Site? — I can't believe people spend more time on only 43 other sites than this casual-sex mate match. But that's what Alexa.com says. Can't say I know anyone who's actually tried it. Maybe I need to hang with sluttier friends to find out what the fuss is all about. And considering it's a pay site, wouldn't it be one of the most profitable web ventures ever?

• Rootless Cosmopolitan — Intelligent international affairs commentary from my former coworker Tony Karon. It's way too smart for me, but I gotta throw him a plug.

• Penis Enlargement Surgery a Waste of Time: Study — Critics say that "spam e-mails advertising penis enlargement surgery were inaccurate and gave men unrealistic expectations." In other news, Mets fans aren't fashion plates.

• Adolf Hitler's Acting Resumé — The dude's IMDB profile is pretty impressive, considering he's been dead for six decades. Needs to branch out a little, though. Always seems to be playing himself. (Found on College Humor)

• eBay: Bags of Fingernails and Toenails — Which bring us to the Valentine's Day portion of this post. Hope you got your sweetie something special, like this.