If you answered "yes" to all of these questions, add me to your list of friends.

But also check out Playboy.com's Girls of MySpace Search.

All you need to do is provide them the following:

• At least two current snapshots: one headshot and one full-body shot (bikini or nude)
• A clear and legible copy of a government-issued photo ID proving you are 18 or older. If you have two IDs, even better
• Your MySpace display name and e-mail address so we can verify your membership in the MySpace community

And, for a limited time only, I am offering a free screening service to anyone who wants to run her photos by me first. I don't even require a government-issued photo ID. Hell, you don't even need a MySpace account.

(Any pictures sent of that lard-ass from Paris, Ky., will immediate be rejected as a bad joke I thought of before you did.)

Today's Web Finds:

• Gene Simmons' Only Risk Factor: Polio? — Came across this profile of the rocker who's claimed to have had sex with several thousand women. Since he doesn't drink, smoke or do dugs, it lists his only risk factor as polio. I don't know, I think I can come up with several thousand more.

• Sharon Stone Pictures from Basic Intinct 2 — She's still smokin', man. A little too issue-conscious for my dumb ass, though. You know who's my Flavor of the Week? Maria Bello in The Cooler. Those were some hot scenes, despite having to endure a shot of her cupping William H. Macy's junk, and then seeing his ass jiggle when he was banging the headboard.

• Hot Johnny and All of His Pants — A friend of mine, who lives out in the country (Brooklyn), runs a humor blog that ranges from pop culture to politics to finding the perfect title for the inevitable gay porn version of Brokeback Mountain.

• Bloggers Respond to Joel Stein's Column — Link goes to a Google Blog search that finds posts reacting to Stein's controversial "Warriors and Wusses" column.

• Woman Gets Sick From Door-to-Door Tattoo Salesmen — Good Lord, Springfield, Mo. If you want us to send a shipment of brains out there, just ask! (Thanks, Laurie)