I won a consolation prize in a football pool this season, and the reward was a $30 Amazon.com gift certificate. Not enough, unfortunately, to buy that $225,000 watch Jeff Bezos is hawking. I mean, who doesn't look to spend nearly a quarter-million dollars through an online retailer?

Anyway, they're selling this "Atkins Approved" T-shirt I've been looking to get, whcih should be a big hit at church functions ... if I ever decide to attend one.

And remember, ladies. Morning wake-ups are part of a balanced breakfast.

Today's Web Finds:

• Adrianne Curry's Playboy Photoshoot — I used to think she was pretty cool: equal parts goofy and raunchy. Those descriptions were replaced by clingy and emotional, not exactly high on my list. But ya know what? I'd still hit it.

• Best Blonde Joke Ever — I almost never post jokes here, but I'll link to one this good.

• The Lazy Man's Guide to Gun Cleaning — The author begins, "When I was young, I cleaned my guns with an almost religious fervor." I'm sure that didn't scare the neighbors at all.

• Mary Fulginiti Genow Is One Hot TV Legal Analyst — Saw this chick on some news show, and all I can say is, "I'm guilty!" Weird name, but this is a serious package of beauty and brains. She's gotta be the smartest hot broad in L.A., not that that's saying a whole lot. Anyway, we need to give her the Melissa Theuriau treatment and get about a bazillion screen grabs of her online.

• T-Shirt: I Shaved My Balls for This? — Hey, at least you didn't bleach your ass.

• Ten Common Mistakes Made by Blackjack Players — This would make for a great game of casino bingo. You and your friends try to find the most of these hands misplayed by fellow players.

• Phil Haney's 'Aristocrats' Joke Made Into Flash Movie — If you saw the flick, you'll think this is great. If you didn't, here's your initiation to one of the more, um, original family acts out there. (Found on GorillaMask.net)

• 10 Things Your Car Insurer Won't Tell You — Here's something that'll brighten your day: my insurance + parking costs $535 per month. Good thing gas is only $50 for a full tank.

• Time Lapse Video of L.A.-to-New York Drive — You can to skip ahead to get to the cool part, which is, of course, New York.