Anyway, here are some thoughts on things I've seen/done since we ass-raped the Red Sux for the 1,000th time.

Christmas: Say, who won the war on Christmas? Oh that's right, there wasn't one. I guess Faux News will have to fabricate another another movement of the liberal left against the freedoms of the Christian right. Next they'll find the three people in the country who don't like pizza and scream at them on TV, too, above the headline "ARE YOUR PIZZA-EATING RIGHTS BEING TRAMPLED?" I'm as anti-religious as they come, but you can hang on my door a poster of Bill O'Reilly tonguing Jesus' balls as long as there's a coupon for 25% off at Circuit City attached. Who doesn't love this most sacred of all holy days fuckin' awesome retail splurge?

Sweet Charity on Broadway: Saw this show on Christmas evening, and it was good. Not bad, not great, and that's what the mainstream reviews have said (New York Times | Variety). Christina Applegate was plenty talened for this Broadway novice, and I always appreciate artists living out their dreams by reaching the apex of their professions. Congrats to all.

Pulp Fiction: I'm no longer the last living person to have never seen this movie. It took 11 years to see what is ranked No. 9 on IMDB.com's list of top 250 movies ever, and I was left with just one question: What the fuck was that? If it influenced such movies as Memento, let me say it spawned at least one film that was 1,000 times better.

American Pie: Band Camp: How can you go wrong with a $1.99 coupon at Blockbuster? Rent this daisy cutter of a bomb. It wasn't until I was in line that I realized none of the regular cast, save Eugene Levy and the guy who plays the Sherminator, was in this. And now I wonder what their agents are doing after certain termination. Spoiler alert (as in I'm alerting you to not spoil your afternoon): Stifler's brother, Matt, the main character/prick-in-training, ends up with his nuts in a jar as he courts a goody-two-shoes band geek and deletes from his computer hidden-cam videos of chicks showering. A touching moment that should have any male throwing up.

Deal or No Deal: This NBC show got a four-star review in the New York Post, a record for a game show that involves absolutely no skill or strategy. It's the snoozy equivalent of watching someone bet on red or black in roulette, and I can't stomach watching the Springer Nation contestants having tens of thousands of dollars dangling in front of them in a test of impulsive greed.

Online Poker: I downloaded the free app from PokerStars.net, and betting with play money is a fun time-killer. With just a shred of discipline — simply folding hands the pros throw away on TV — it's pretty easy to make a big score with a strong hand, since almost everyone plays loose, foolishly chasing draws against poor odds. I imagine the play is tighter in real-money games, but that's a potential vice I don't plan to entertain.

Monday Night Football on ABC: One aspect of the changing landscape of prime-time football that didn't get nearly enough attention this past week is that, while we'll still have a game on Monday night next year, the Sunday night game on NBC is the one the NFL will showcase. In the last seven weeks, the league will be able to shift afternoon games to prime time to ensure more meaningful games are shown on national TV. Such is necessary in an era when injuries completely bury preseason contenders (Eagles, Jets, Packers) and we're stuck watching them instead of surprising, worthy teams, even from big markets (Giants, Bears). That kind of scheduling switcheroo just wasn't feasible on Monday.