Isn't she beautiful? All radiant and absorbent?

Ah, the Tampon Mona Lisa, now available on eBay, a beacon of culture amid a sea of auctions for freshly-picked boogers that look like Jesus at the Last Supper.

Obviously, a lot of questions come to mind, but no more curious than this:

What's it like to bid on such an auction and lose?

Once you commit to actually buying something like this, and then have it evade your grasp, it's gotta be 100 times worse than when someone outbids you for a used DVD of Road Trip. And those are frustrating as hell.

Today's Web Finds:

• Harrah's Must Honor Incorrectly Printed Vouchers — Customers of Harrah's Casino in Joliet, Ill., were supposed to receive coupons for $15 or $20. Instead, they read $525, and the Illinois Gaming Board says they must be honored. Guess where the local hookers are gonna be hanging out? (Thanks, Shumpy)

• Police Accidentally Taser Naked Man in Genitals With Taser — Whoops! Like they're not gonna be doing a shot or two over this. Not sure if it was Hightower, Hooks or Tackleberry.

• Wikipedia Entry: Ass to Mouth — Bone up on your facts next time this comes up at a social function.

• Photos: Extra Content from Gleny.com — As with any Fotki accounts, go to the comments pages to see the greatest hits. Or, in this case, greatest tits.

• MSNBC: T.O. an Easy Choice for Sports Turkey of the Year — My favorite part of the whole saga — and, officially, we're calling it a "saga," right? — was him calling the Eagles "classless" for not celebrating his 100th receiving touchdown. This from a guy about whom the word class has never been uttered nor implied.

• And Now Presenting ... The Ubersexual?! — According to a new book, metrosexuals risk being seen as "sad sacks" who seem "incapable of retaining their sense of manhood." No shit. Instead, make way for such ubersexuals as George Clooney, Bill Clinton and Bono, who are altogether confident, rugged and influential. Like they were ever in the shadows of guys who get manicures.

• Real Story of the Rogue Rootkit — Wired examines a controversial Sony copy-protection scheme that plays around with your computer, without your knowledge, when inserting a CD. Techies want answer as to why antivirus companies let this big-company initiative fly under the radar. I just wanna know who's still buying CDs. I go to stores like Circuit City, peer over to the music section, and just laugh my ass off.

• Grand Canyon Skywalk to Open in January — View mock-ups of a skywalk that juts out 70 feet into the Canyon, 4,000 feet above the Colorado River. And to think some people were freaking out when I simply hung my feet over the edge at sundown. (Thanks, Shumpy)

• The Worst Products of 2005 — PC Magazine runs down the 10 things you don't want to get for Christmas. Besides the clap.

• Body Bouncer — A rubber saddle mounted on a steel frame that's supposed to facilitate better sex. And then you can invite company to use it as a footrest in the living room. Don't miss the intro video, found at top right.

• TuckerMax.com Forum: Assclown Must-Do's — Several pages of feedback on my recent list of Things Every Assclown Must Do Before He Dies. A lot of these can spawn entire posts of their own: People You Run Into at the Gym, the Pool Hall, the Strip Club, etc. Gimme time and I'll get to them all.