10 Bazillion B.C.: Cavemen Tells First "Yo Mama So Fat" Joke Yo mama so fat, her senior picture had to be an aerial view. More YMSF jokes.

1503-1507: Leonardo da Vinci Paints the Mona Lisa. It took Leonardo three to four years to finish the shading on her upper lip. She's a man, baby!

July 29, 1974: Cass Elliot Rumored to Have Choked to Death on Ham Sandwich. The Mamas & Papas singer stood 5-5 and weighed 238 pounds when she died of a heart attack at age 32. The rumor that she choked to death on a ham sandwich is an urban legend.

1979: The Facts of Life Debuts on NBC. You take the good, you take the bad, you take a bucket of fried chicken and then you have ... a light snack. Fatalie and the rest of the Eastland grads turned Edna's Edibles into the original Enron. The bakery's profits disappeared into thin air.

1990-91: Some of My Freshman Year Drunken Hookups in College. From what I remember.

2000 (approx.): FatChicksInPartyHats.com Debuts. This website has long been a controversial tribute to gleeful chunkmonsters. Its hate mail section boasts letters from "pissed fattys and/or homobutt humpers."

June 2003: Carnie Wilson Poses for Playboy. At 31, the former Wilson Phillips singer weighed over 300 pounds. Nevertheless, she told Playboy.com that she had always has a healthy sex life. After dropping 150 pounds due, in large part, to gastric bypass surgery, she got nekkid for the public and proclaimed, "I was never hornier in my fuckin' life."

2004: Missy Doty Plays Cammi in Sideways. Jack bet she was two tons of fun, and he was right. In an interview about her role, which was limited to being called a porker and getting boned by some white-trash-lookin' dude, she shared her father's tongue-in-cheek reaction to her work: "You were great, but I'm not going to tell any of my friends to see it."

2004: Lori Beth Denberg Plays Cheerleader Martha Johnstone in Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story. Two-four-six-eight; She'll show John Candy how to eat a steak. Among Denberg's other credits are playing Shirley House (no kidding) in 18 Fingers of Death! (chicken fingers?) and a role in Good Burger. You can't even make this stuff up.

2005: Huuuge Chick Claps Her Thighs in Internet Vid. This clip is Internet gold. Not only have we got a human hot-air balloon showing off "one of the advantages of having a bigger body type" by clapping her thighs, we've got a comment at the bottom of the page by a guy who goes by the name of ASSHAMMER. She also has two more vids out there.