ah, my friend, you should go to shumpy's and check out the halloween party photos... :)

I thought about being white trash last year.

Go as a Hooters girl. I think thats way better than Richard Simmons.

Sorry to hear you're not in Fla.
I saw a great t-shirt in the village which said "This IS my fucking Halloween costume". I thought that was mildly clever and pretty easy.
You could go as Donald Trump, all you need is a suit and a muskrat for your head. Then every time you act like an asshole you can say you're getting into the character.
I once went as a Twinkie. I got a piece of thin mattress-like foam, pretty cheap, painted the twinkie label on it and got to go through the night asking people if they wanted to taste my cream filling. When they said I was an asshole, I told them my costume was Donald Trump in a Twinkie costume.

PK,
I was turned on to your blog a few years ago, and now must look at it daily. I live in Memphis, TN, and will be visiting your fair city for the first time next week.

As for your halloween problem...a few years ago I wore this simple, but popular costume for some parties around town. I wore a sign around my neck that read BEFORE, and went as the before model in a before and after add. I am a little heavier than you, but it could apply to any before scenario. (back hair removal, tanning, etc.) It was simple, and I fielded a ton of questions about what it was.

I've got one. It's fairly simple and you can take it off when ever you want. I went a couple years ago as a one night stand. Here's what you do:

Get a card board box. Big enough to cut it into a circle. (like the size of a nightstand) cut a smaller cicle in the middle for your head. Put a table cloth on it. (Wallmart has cheap ones). Again cut a hole for your head. I glued a cheap rose bud vase on it. Plastic champagne glass with lipstick marks. A ashtray with cig butts. A condom. and nylons or anything else that pertains to a one night stand.

I do have a mullet wig left over from last year than I could cut up and make a perfect Donald Trump. Only I haven't seen one minute of "The Apprentice" and I don't know much about the guy, other than he says "You're Fired," cheats at golf and still does events through The Learning Annex.

Hooters girl's been done a million times.

Couple of e-mail write-ins: the Beer Looter guy, which was on my mind, but I don't know how many people would get it. I guess I could carry around a copy of the photo. Was also thinking of going as the Boom Goes the Dynamite kid.

Another reader says to just hang a sign that says "BEFORE" and you can be the before photo for weight-los pills or back hair-removal or anything of the sort. Another easy one that can get a laugh.

Another's buddy went as a priest carrying around a copy of Boys Life magazine.

I'll add more as the e-mails come in.

I've been laughing about the twinkie costume all morning. That would totally get me, especially because it would take me a few minutes to get it. But that's a whole other issue entirely. Thanks.

I went over to Shumpy's. Good stuff there, though this has to be the worst Napoleon Dynamite costume ever:

http://static.flickr.com/30/55653856_eff01ae651_o.jpg

A girl I know will be wearing a Vikings jersey and a sailor hat. The jersey is long enough to look like she's not wearing anything else.

That's another one I was gonna mention. I have a Randy Moss Vikings jersey and was thinking of doing something with that. So many good ideas out there, I can't believe people still do the obvious ones.

How about dressing in black, pinning snacks (candy bars, chips, etc) to your clothes and going as a vending machine? You could even put prices below your items...seems pretty easy. Black jeans, black t-shirt, some snacks and there you go!
Have fun at your Halloween do's...

That's just one more reason why it's good to be a girl....it doesn't matter what costume we choose on Halloween, as long as it shows lots of cleavage. Heh.

You in peenie shorts = hot.

That pic of you as the beer looter guy is fucking hysterical!

I once saw a guy at Fantasy Fest dressed as a mummy. Naked with his head, arms, legs and balls & dick only wrapped in gauze. Seeing a naked ass but a dick wrapped in gauze was great.

I saw a guy dressed in a suit as Clinton and he had a strap on sticking out of his pants with a manequin head with long dark hair and a beret stuck on it. He won the contest at the party I was at.

Happy Halloween! Have fun slapping slutty chicks asses!

Another reader suggestion...

"Chick magnet: dress in all black and glue or staple pictures of hot chicks to you."

I would pay money to see you dressed like Richard Simmons in "peenie" shorts. Hee hee!!
My easy halloween costume is to blacken one eye, and put a giant letter "P" on my shirt. Viola! black-eyed pea.
or you could fill your mouth with mayo, and go as a pimple.

A few years back a friend of mine just dressed normally and when asked he told everyone he was a registered sex offender. He's about 6'6" and creepy looking so most laughed uncomfortably.

Get a cowboy hat, paint your neck red, and say you're the Redneck Man. Then ask each lady if she is your Redneck Woman. Guaranteed to get as much tit as you will scowls in New York.

Take off that Yankees hat, put on a tight tshirt and some jeans and you could be Dobie Gillis or since you cant take a picture without a hat on, get some faded jeans, a red shirt, and a white sailors hat and you are Gilligan. Ask the girls at the party if they relate better to Ginger or to Mary Ann and score like a madman. If a girl scores with you without laughing, she is marriage material.

You could dress as an Asshole. All you need is a Curt Shilling jersey and a big mouth.