Author Andy Gray gives the Deltas from Animal House a lifetime-achievement ranking, setting them far and beyond the five copy-cats that followed it. Good job there. Hard to argue with Old School's Lambda Epsilon Omega at as the best of the rest, on the basis of KY jelly wrestling alone.

Following that is the Alpha Betas from Revenge of the Nerds. Great movie, but Lambda Lambda Lambda deserves to represent. Aside from Stan Gable and Fred "The Ogre" Palowakski, none of the AB's made an impression on me. Position-by-position, they just don't have anyone to match up with Booger, Takashi, Lamar or Wormser. And, remember, those Mu's sure can party.

Next we have the KEG house from Beverly Hills 90210. I must've missed Bill Simmons' 9,000-word piece on it, because I'm not too familiar.

Following that, Melon's Tall & Fat from Back to School, which wasn't even a frat. It was a clothing empire for women who wore dresses that looked like pool tables without pockets. Still, you can't go wrong with a group that makes a diving competition a standing-room-only event.

Finally, The Pit from PCU. I look forward to your comments educating me on exactly what this movie was.

Today's Web Finds:

• Ronald Becomes a McHottie — When I see a red-head in a yellow dress, with red and white long sleeves, I call the cops. In Japan, they buy more cheeseburgers. Advantage: U.S.

• Joy of Deep Throating — DontSpitSwallow.com readers share tips on avoiding gagging, overcoming concerns with taste and more. Remember, ladies, practice makes perfect. (Found on GorillaMask.net)

• Term Paper Ripped to Shreds — The teach goes to town on a term paper that contains a photo of a Yankees great with the caption: "Lou Gehrig is smiling because he got daily rim jobs from the girls at Scores." Among the works cited: google.com and tubgirl.com (Thanks, Kevin)

• Bush Sells Louisiana Back to the French — If it happens, you can bet Halliburton would get the 6% seller's fee. (Thanks, Shumpy)

• Video: Hypnotized Sex — A hypnotist gets a group of people to hump their chairs and experience multiple orgasms, while Put Your Ass Into It plays in the background.

• KC Armstrong Poster For $12 — If you ever wondered whether the Howard Stern Show sidekick was gay, this should settle it.

• Some Fuck-Stick Registers PaulKacher.com on Sept. 25 — I don't know what untold riches this dope plans to make off people leaving out a "t" in my last name, but I hope it's paid in cash that once wiped the sweat off Richard Simmons' nuts. (Thanks, Jeff)

• Redneck Yard of the Week Competition — Send a picture of your crap-ass yard to Blue Collar TV, then try to explain how you can afford a computer and Net access but not a weed-trimmer.