But times have changed. Especially in San Diego, where 24-year-old pole-humper Lawanda Dixon stabbed a club patron with a knife after he refused her groin-grinding services.

What has this country come to when you can't even nurse a $9 beer for an hour, sit tight-wadded while strippers parade around a room full of porn-addicted stiffs and catch free glimpses of T&A on money other people are spending in the joint.

This used to be America, damn it. Now it's a stripper-stabbing land of shame. I'm pinning this one on Bush, too. Someone get Michael Moore on the horn.

Also in the News:

• Dershowitz: Telling the Truth About Chief Justice Rehnquist — One of my favorite crusaders, whom one unhappy FOX News viewer called "a jew prick that takes it in the ass from ruth ginzburg [sic]" writes: "Chief Justice William Rehnquist set back liberty, equality, and human rights perhaps more than any American judge of this generation. His rise to power speaks volumes about the current state of American values."

• Anti-Rape Condom Aims to Stop Attacks — Get this. You're in South Africa and you're ready to partake in one of the local customs. Namely raping women. Somehow you get a hard-on while she cries out in sheer terror. 'Cause that's really fucking sexy. Then you find out she's wearing some kind of female condom that hooks onto your penis with sharp barbs that cannot be removed except via surgery. That's when you know it's time to find a hobby.

• eBay at 10: Boon and Bane — A not-too-deep CNET article on eBay's effect on collectibles industries. I would love to see a major media package on its effect overall, how it's brought down prices in almost every industry, whether there is an addiction component, interviews with people who've been driven out of brick-and-mortar businesses and others who've started successful online ones, tricks people use to attract buyers, etc.

• Ohio High School Has 64 Pregnant Students — Timken Senior High School in Canton boasts pregnancies among 13 percent of its female enrollment. At what point do you fire the health teacher? What are they teaching these students? "Remember, kids, the best way to avoid pregnancy is to do it doggie style?"

• The Show Didn't Benefit by Censors — L.A. Times media critic Robert Hilburn says NBC did its West Coast viewers a disservice by censoring Kanye West's Bush blast during "A Concert for Hurricane Relief." An intelligent, thoughtful take, but networks always run for cover when it comes to possibly upsetting advertisers, who themselves run doubly fast from the slightest of controversy. And everything always, always comes down to money.

• Swallowing During Oral Sex Does Not Clear Up Acne — Sorry, teen boys. Gotta come up with some other bullshit to play off on pimply co-eds.

• Top 10 Schools Where Students (Almost) Never Study — We're talking colleges here, so that Canton slut house doesn't count. Anyway, congratulations to the University of Mississippi.

• BushSucksCock.com Is Already Registered — Link goes to list of domains containing the term "bushsucks." Another find: MyDaughtersFuckingANigger.com is also taken. Are you fucking kidding me? What kind of person comes up with this business plan? If god ever throws a huge meteor at us, blows up Earth and starts from scratch, I'm blaming the guy who started that website.