Just when you thought Kenyan city officials weren't romantic types comes news that 36-year-old Godwin Kipkemoi Chepkurgor asked for Chelsea Clinton's hand in marriage and is still awaiting her father's decision on whether Chepkurgor's dowry of 40 goats and 20 cows is sufficient.

Mr. Clinton, who already boasts at least one beret-wearing cow in his stable, hasn't responded to the offer in the five years since it was extended. Clearly, he's giving it some serious thought.

I don't know if the odds of a boy like Chepkurgor and a girl like Clinton getting together are one in a hundred or more like one in a million, but Slick Willie's silence tells Chepkurgor there's a chance.

Today's News Links:

• Table for 'Jew' — A check presented to two diners at a Jersey Shore restaurant identified them as "Jew Couple." I would love it if someone did that to me. Throw a two-minute fit and walk out with a full belly ... on the house.

• Panic Ensues in Rush for Cheap Laptops — It's the same ol' story every time used laptops get sold for $50: people get thrown to the pavement, beaten with folding chairs, etc. Oh, and they pee their pants to keep their places in line.

• Accused Wal-Mart Shoplifter Held to Hot Pavement, Dies — Some dude tried to steal diapers and a BB gun, was held to scalding-hot pavement shirtless, then went into cardiac arrest. Let this be a lesson to you: steal shit from Target instead.

• Fisherman Dies Chasing Fish That Stole His Pole — I could write something funny to accompany this headline, but really, what the point?

• The Man Who Hacked the MoMA and the Met — Meet self-described "art terrorist" Banksy in this Wired.com feature on a man who snuck his works into four New York City museums in a single day.

• Screens From Upcoming Godfather Video Game — I can only imagine the tired headlines reviews of this thing is gonna inspire. "It's a game you can't refuse!" It's gonna be hack city.

• Rumsfeld Makes Surprise Visit to Wife's Vagina — The Onion is on the scene. "The Pentagon would not confirm a rumor that President Bush is scheduled to drop in on the vagina with a holiday turkey around Christmas."