10. "Thought the third base coach was giving me the 'jump' sign"

9. "Will I get to watch the end of the game in my jail cell?"

8. "Figured I'd beat the traffic"

7. "If I had a girlfriend, she'd be impressed"

6. "I'm sure Steinbrenner won't mind"

5. "If Marv Albert uses this, I hope he adds a comical 'bong!'"

4. "Giambi said that stuff he gave me would make me fly"

3. "I hope they do some funny jokes about this on Leno!"

2. "I wonder if the newspaper will refer to me as a 'moron' or an 'idiot'"

1. "If a drunken stooge can't disgrace himself at sporting events, then the terrorists have won"

Bonehead Fan Links:

• Friends Say Tumble Into Spotlight Just His Speed
• He's Top-Flight Moron
• Video of Effect of Beers on 18-Year-Olds

(Thanks, Pee Wee, for the list.)