I responded with the obvious R-rated response.

But I was wrong. The back of the card read "3-D glasses." Which makes sense, because the other stuff had been getting stuck to pages for years before 2000.

Today's Web Finds:

• 50 Smartest Things to Do With Your Money — Everything from real estate and tax advice to such consumer tips as getting the most out of your frequent-flier miles and "Dicker with the doctor," which I think was an old Ron Jeremy movie.

• AFI's 100 Years...100 Movie Quotes — Frankly, my dear, this list looks a lot like my preview last December, when I offered up some heavyweight contenders for the top spots. I'm still miffed by AFI's utter ignorance when it comes to the work of Thornton Melon, Long Duk Dong, Lloyd Christmas and Dudley 'Booger' Dawson.

• Revenge of the Nerds Scheduled for 2006 Remake — I will slaughter the firstborn of every movie exec in Hollywood before I will allow this film to tranish the legacy of Lamba Lamda Lamda (and Omega Mu; they sure can party). We must form a nationwide coalition and, if forced, we'll do just like when Kramer went out to take down Kenny Rogers Roasters: we'll take it to the streets. Funny quotes | stills, including some nose-pickin' and belching | sounds, including the Nerds rap.

• Best Movies Set in Each of the 50 States — Steve Silver runs down his picks, including The Godfather for New York, which would have an awesome top-50 list of its own. Somebody get on that. I'm seriously underqualified.

• Video: San Andreas Nude Scene Hack in Action — Dude, if you're messing with hacks to bang street skanks in a gangsta video game, you've got problems. Serious fucking problems.

• Joke: Little Johnny Wants to Move to Third Grade — Gotta hand it to the kid. He's very wise for his age. Most adults, however, should know that what goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky is, in fact, bubblegum. (Thanks, Shumpy)

• My 2003 Empire State Building Photos — I went atop NYC's most famous building on Wednesday, but I didn't take new pics, because my new cam is still in the repair shop at Canon. But these old photos do kick ass.