• Anyone remember those AYDS diet candies? How long after AIDS was discovered did that company's bosses think, "Holy shit, we're done. Why couldn't they have called it the Deal-A-Meal virus?"

• Let me be clear: Jason Giambi did not make a "mistake" by taking steroids. A mistake doesn't leave you $120 million richer. And, yes, I would do 'roids for $120 million. Hell, I'd mix it with crack and shoot it in my eyeballs for half that. There's no way Giambi goes home to his $5 million or whatever bachelor pad after a night out, with three girls in tow, and thinks, "Damn, I should have never done steroids. What a mistake!"

• When Alex Rodriguez hits a home run and Yankees propagandist John Sterling exclaims, "It's an A-Bomb for A-Rod," do you think the team's Japanese fans are like, "Yeah, awesome home run call, man!"

• Speaking of, do any Yankees fans even like John Sterling?

• Do you think Sam Cassell has Internet access, or did he cancel his AOL account after coming across the 500th website that cited him as the ugliest player in sports?

• Why do people search for love on Internet dating sites, then go to dinner on a first date? Isn't the point of such sites to facilitate finding someone with common interests? How are you narrowing the gap by linking up with someone who eats?

• I didn't see a single bushback pitch in the women's softball college World Series, and I want answers.

• I was reading where Wal-Mart hires 600,000 new employees each year. How comes I've never met one? And shouldn't Playboy be doing a "Fresh Meat at Wal-Mart" spread like every month?

• I just watched a point in women's beach volleyball on TV. A lot of people in the crowd were banging ThunderStix. I think I'm now going to kill myself.

• I hate when news outlets report on serious race issues, and then use the term "the n-word." Makes me feel like I'm 5 years old. If someone called someone else a nigger, just write it, or say it. Jesus Christ, it's not like you're endorsing the use of racial slurs because you're reporting what someone said to someone else. It's not like we have a lot of "x-words" out there. Who's the news editor who invented that practice in an effort to save society?

• I'm all for preserving the memory of the dead, but isn't it time for tourist shops to stock more posters of NYC skylines without the Twin Towers than with the buildings intact?

• There's a gap to fill on the web, and I think you know what I'm talking about. We need a collection of stories like this Worst Bathroom Experience Ever. Every time I see people in line for stalls at Yankee Stadium I think, "This has to be the worst day of your life." Even I've never resorted to a stadium stall.

• When female athletes like Danica Patrick, Annika Sorenstam and Maria Sharapova make news outside the sports pages, how long does it take you to wonder if a Playboy spread will ever be a possibility? For me, it's about eight seconds.

• The NBA is threatening to lock out players July 1 if a new collective bargaining agreement isn't reached. David Stern has at least heard of the NHL, no?

• If Ricky Williams has a successful NFL comeback, shouldn't we allow Dave Wannstedt immunity to just beat the shit out of the guy for 15 minutes, as payback for ruining Wannstedt's head-coaching career in Miami?

• Considering Da Brat was all pissed that she had to share a Surreal Life 4 house with a "washed-up has-been" like Jane Wiedlin, I was wondering how it was she thought she'd been casted.

• If you're a bartender in Aruba, and you've done quite well for yourself romancing tourists — nothing shady, just cashing in on vacation flings — you've got to be pissed right now. You're rap is done.