I'll be driving up to Montreal for their annual beer festival, but I'm gonna try to avoid rest stops featuring a Krispy Kreme because I don't want to go to jail. The reason being, if I see long lines of desperate ham-and-eggers sacrificing any more than five minutes of their lives just to get a 65-cent piece of sugar-coated dough, I'm gonna find myself a machine gun and blow away everyone in sight.

On that note, have a pleasant weekend. Hopefully some good pics from Montreal up Monday.

Today's Web Finds:

• Weekend Update at SportsByBrooks.com — I wrote it. Go read it. Includes Anna Benson's interview with the New Yorker, Mark Bellhorn's grade-school photos and two weapons of mass distraction much greater than Larry Brown's imminent departure from the Pistons.

• The Tirades of Tommy Lasorda — Remembering such classic moments from the grandfatherly Lasorda, including his famous reply to being asked what he thought of Dave Kingman's performace (3 home runs) against the Dodgers: "What's my opinion of Kingman's performance? What the fuck do you think is my opinion of it? I think it was fucking horseshit. Put that in I don't fucking ... Opinion of his performance? Jesus Christ, he beat us with three fucking home runs. What the fuck do you mean what is my opinion of his performance? How can you ask me a question like that?"

• Kurkjian: Jeter Is the Face of Baseball — ESPN's baseball scribe talks to a bunch of opponents and former teammates who wax poetic about Captain Intangibles.

• Osama vs. USA Game Sold in NYC — Some unbelievable shit, man, that people would have the stones to sell this stuff anywhere, but especially in the U.S. and especially in New York. But ya know what? We've got romance movies centered around Pearl Harbor and video games involving WWII and Vietman. At some point, everthing is for sale.

• Lohan Paparazzi Terror — The New York Post says a sleazy photog may have slammed into Lindsey's car on purpose in order to get some pics. Hopefully he was planing on the nipple slip variey. Anyway, one of these days I'm going to find out what exactly it is she did to become famous.

• Cliff Yablonki Is Back Hating People — A staple of PK.com links for years now, angry 'ol Cliff is back from prison to humiliate people found in random images on the web.

• Get a Free Credit Report — A program that allows you to get one free credit report on yourself each year. The entire country is ready now, except the Northeast U.S., which will be available this fall. (Thanks, Shumpy)

• Pics and Articles: Poker Champ Phil Helmuth at Wisconsin-Madison's All-Campus Texas Hold'em Series — This poker craze just can't be healthy for college kids. Then again, there's nothing inherently dangerous in a deck of cards. The danger lies in the chase for easy money, and I guess that's a trap in gambling, business, politics ... just about everything.

• 10 Years of Alertbox — Web usability guru Jakob Nielsen reflects on a decade of suggesting design/functionality improvements for the web. We're getting there, slowly but surely. As least you don't run into too many superfluous splash pages anymore. Jesus, those used to piss me off. Skip intro! Skip intro! Skip intro!

• The Essence of Douchebag — A picture of Michigan native Oliver (supposedly) committing about a crimes for anyone with a sack. Surprisingly, he doesn't look too much like Curt Schilling, who is not only the essence of douchebag, but pretty much the King Patriarch.

• Liberache T-Shirts: A Revolution in Rhinestones — Finally, a wardrobe add for fans of both Liberace and Che Guevara.

• How Mark Felt Became 'Deep Throat' — Bob Woodward's story in Thursday's Washington Post details his dealings with the FBI informant. An awesome piece, though maybe a little long for web reading.