I'm no politics junkie, but I'm lovin' this whole "Deep Throat" disclosure. Just hearing wooden news anchors use that term over and over — "Let's check in with Susan Montgomery to find out what she knows about Deep Throat" — pretty much makes my week.
But a 91-year-old man should not, under any circumstances, be referred to as Deep Throat. It's just wrong.
If anyone should have a permanent hold on that title, it's Monica Lewinsky. We all remember her. She was the one who truly sucked at her job and gave conservatives something to complain about when the economy was so good that even homeless beggars took six weeks of vacation. But thanks for being our moral anchor, W.!
Anyway, before half my readers get pissed off, let's recall some late-night humor about the real Deep Throat.
"Monica Lewinsky has returned to network TV. I remember years ago she said she wanted her life back. Then I guess she got it back and said 'Well, this sucks.' ... She's hosting a show called Mr. Personality because apparently the new Fox show Blow Jobs, Blow Jobs, Blow Jobs isn't ready."
— Jon Stewart
"Monica Lewinsky has her own show. I have not seen it yet, but I understand it's getting very good word of mouth."
— David Letterman
"Monica Lewinsky told this month's Cosmo magazine that if it weren't for Bill Clinton, she would be a mom now, with two kids. Really? Not the way she was doing it."
— Jay Leno
"You know who was at the Vanity Fair party? Monica Lewinsky. She was sitting right next to me. I was at table 14; she was under table 12."
— Jay Leno
"Today lawyers for Monica Lewinsky said that she wants the government to return her stained blue dress. Apparently she is under the illusion that she can still fit in it. ... They said on the news tonight the dress could be worth up to $500,000 to a collector. Collector? Who collects that? Now I was thinking, Clinton gets what, $100,000 for an hour speech? He's in the wrong business. What's it take, two minutes to stain a dress? That's $500,000 right there."
— Jay Leno
Today's News Links:
• Disclosure by Magazine Catches Post by Surprise — The New York Times details some of the lengths Vanity Fair went to in order to hide Felt's disclosure from the Washington Post, including not fact-checking anything with either Bob Woodward or Carl Bernstein.
• NYC Rocker Steve Marshall Escapes Thugs — A zany guy I've seen a few times escaped a scary situation when he was robbed in his own apartment. Says Steve, "I really thought these low-lifes were going to kill me using my own handcuffs." Years ago, after learning that I worked at Time magazine, Steve asked me how his band could get a mention in there. I told him to kill somebody. (Thanks, Kevin)
• Too SeXXXy for Dot-Com — Wired.com reports that "the Internet's primary oversight body approved a plan Wednesday to create a virtual red-light district, setting the stage for pornographic websites to use new addresses ending in xxx." Um, we already have a red-light district. It's called the entire fucking Internet.
• CNN's 25th Anniversary Package — Includes a reflection by Ted Turner and a feature on the top 25 news stories of the last quarter-century.
• City Pays for Private Investigator to Get Lap Dances — This story is too much. This dude gets paid $100/hour to help "force adult businesses to adhere to stricter regulations."
• U.K. Couple Marks 80th Wedding Anniversary — Sounds like four score of living hell.
