Ya know how boats and ships are referred to as females? "She" this and "her" that? Well, let me tell you something: I would not mess with this bitch.

The aircraft carrier, which was christened on May 27, 1967, by 9-year-old Caroline Kennedy, is 1,052 feet in length, a bit shorter than the Empire State Building is tall (1,250). The flight deck covers 4.56 acres. And she's equipped with two 30-ton anchors — I believe they're named Kirstie and Rosie.

Once on board, I saw some rockin' modern fighting machines: Warthogs, Meadow Bombers, Strata-Copters, etc. Actually, I made that up; I don't know what any of that shit was called. I just thought it was cool to be able to jump into some of the aircraft, grab hold of a gun and thank fucking god that I never had to live that life.

So thanks to all the guys and gals in our armed forces for allowing me to do my thing. I hope at least part of what they do is their thing and that they're not totally hating life right now. All the sailors I ran into were righteous dudes, the people who ran the tour very friendly. I hope they enjoyed our fair city and that all those currently on mission get home soon and party with us, too.

(See all my photos from the USS JFK.)

(That burning car? Saw it on the West Side Highway on my walk home and thought, "If things blow up like they do on CHiPs, I'm a dead man." I snapped a few shots and jogged away like a puss.)