Spaceballs, on the other hand, I can pretty much recite, from "We ain't found shit!" to "I bet she gives great helmet" to ludicrous speed to the Schwartz to "Snotty beamed me twice last night -- it was wonderful" to Major Asshole to the 1-2-3-4-5 secret combination to "I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate" to Pizza the Hut and just plain Yogurt.

But if sci-fi ain't mixed with Mel Brooks jokes, I'm out.

While surfing around to get a Cliff's Notes version of what I was missing, I came across this large collection of original Star Wars trailers. Only the first three (fuck, last three; whatever) are represented, but it's a pretty cool sample of cinematic history. I watched them in succession. I still have no idea what the story is about.

The I went to Wikipedia's Star Wars entry, and I kinda get the gist now. There's good guys and bad guys and the bad guys take over the galaxy and some other good guys try to win it back. Right? Sounds to me like when the Wild Samoans were battling Tony Garea and Rick Martel for the WWF tag-team championship 25 years ago. If ya wanna make six movies out of that, be my guest.

Today's Web Finds:

• Drinking With Bob's Hilton Family Rant — One of my top five favorite people on the planet shares his thoughts on an upcoming "I Want to Be a Hilton" reality show, and has ideas for alternative titles, such as "I Want to Take a Carp on a Hilton."

• Wrestlers Help Churchgoers Grapple With Faith — Ted DiBiase, Road Warrior Animal, Greg "The Hammer" Valentine and other over-the-hill pro wrestlers mix their love of Jesus into storylines at independent shows. (Thanks, Brooks)

• MLB.com Sells Personalized Derek Jeter Autographed Balls for $600 — These are set up as Father's Day gifts. If I'd ever paid $600 for a man to scribble on a baseball, my dad would have kicked me out of the house.

• Blogebrity — I think this is an upcoming e-zine about bloggers, which are ranked among A-listers, B-listers and C-listers. Or maybe it's just a joke. I have no idea, really.

• Burt Reynolds Smacks CBS Reporter Who Hasn't Seen The Longest Yard — Hits him pretty good, too. Watch the video for the slap as well as the serious tone of the anchors. Funny shit. And, um, I've never seen that one, either.

• Crying While Eating — Pictures of people, well, crying while eating. Not what Al Gore envisioned, I'm sure, when he invented the Internet.

• Fair Enough — Some biting sketches of what scenes must be like at cigarette companies' marketing meetings, based on publicly available documents.

• Leftover Lunch — Images of disgustingly old plates of food. Makes Crying While Eating look like a worthwhile endeavor.

• Pat O'Brien Sound Board — "Let's fucking have sex!" and other classic clips.

• TIME Magazine's Top 100 Movies — When I heard this list was not gonna be ranked, I thought, "What's the point?" But it's a list, so right there it deserves to be linked.

• Image of Venice Drawn in MS Paint — Really cool work of art, though when compared to my similar photo taken in 2004, you'll see he gave the crusty buildings a shiny, new look.

• Yahoo! Music Unlimited — All-you-can download for just $5 a month. And, yes, you can transfer the songs to your portable device.

• The Great Flickr Tools Collection — Everything you wanted to know about what claims to be "the best online photo management and photo sharing application."

• Red Strips Beer Commercials — Hooray beer! I agree, but god those are some weird-ass commercials.

• Technorati vs Blogdigger — A comparison of two leading blog search engines.