The 12 measly tickets would be donated to the righteous Make-A-Wish Foundation, and so the fact that this decision is even being mulled is a crime enough. Since this one is a clear no-brainer, I've decided to cull the Internet for some more debatable "Would Your Rather?" dilemmas.

WOULD YOU RATHER not be able to read OR not be able to speak?
I'm going with not being able to read. First, it worked for Dexter Manley all those years. Second, I'd still be able to e-mail and IM, because I'd have the computer speak back what's been written to me. Third, maybe the good folks at Black Enterprise would finally stop sending me their magazine. Fourth, girls think I'm weird enough without hitting on them with a pen and napkin.

WOULD YOU RATHER lick someone head to toe who hasn't showered in two years (meaning privates, too) OR have sex with a tree in front of everyone you know?
Get some popcorn, boys. I'll give that tree the best three minutes of its life.

WOULD YOU RATHER bang the ugliest chick you ever knew and have no one know about it OR not and have everyone think you did?
Ugh, and I think I know just the person. I'd need about four Viagras and a keg of beer, but I'd go with not being known as "that guy," even though, of course, I would be. I'd hold that secret stronger than O.J. on the 12th tee.

WOULD YOU RATHER scratch your ass in public OR fart in public?
You mean today?

WOULD YOU RATHER be able to fly OR have the ability to read people's minds?
It's not that I don't want to know what murderous thoughts are going through their minds of postal workers, DMV employees, driving instructors and fast-food managers. It's just that I don't care.

(Thanks, Phillip, for the news link.)

Today's Web Finds:

• Free Music Downloads at Amazon.com — Top top 200 are listed, including tracks from Moby, Beck and The Strokes. And you what Triumph the Insult Comic Dog says about The Strokes: (Now look how frickin' cool the guys from The Strokes are/Their riffs are three times as old as my jokes are.)

• Fall 2004 Archery Whitetail Hunt — A hunting tale and photos so foreign to this city boy: "The buck saw the arrow coming, and flinched right before the arrow struck him. I had hit him high, so I waited it out for about an hour before I started trailing him. Once I got on the blood trail, I figured for sure I was going to find him because there was blood everywhere. I trailed him 1/4 of a mile and then the blood stopped. I searched for hours in every direction where the blood had stopped."

• Big Boxers of Brooklyn — Boxer shorts and robes for those with a whole lotta cushion for the pushin'. (Thanks, Gigglechick)

• Simpsons MP3 Downloads — Mr. Plow, that's my name. That name again is Mr. Plow! Go get 'em now before FOX's lawyers do.

• Uncyclopedia — A riff on Wikipedia which describes itself as "the free encyclopedia of politically incorrect non-information." Check out this entry for Playboy: "Playboy is a magazine best known for its insightful articles, thought-provoking interviews, and quality literature. That's the only reason men read it."

• What Is Your Wrestling Alter Ego? — Mine is John Cena, and I might know more about his image other than the obvious (urban trash) if I didn't stop watching wrestling when The Rock went Hollywood.

• The Best of Photojournalism 2005 — Link goes to a quick write-up at Yahoo! Picks.

• Who Is The Hotter Daisy Duke? — Comparison pics of Catherine Bach on TV and Jessica Simpson in the upcoming movie. I vote old school here. Nobody that dumb could ever be considered hot.

• Weapons of Ass Destruction 3 — A funny porn title mentioned on the Howard Stern TV show this week, when he showed clips of acceptance speeches at the AVN awards show. The best part was when an award winner thanked her mom. Howard said she's just been giving an award for taking it by as many guys as possible and Robin asked, "Is there any mother in the crowd right now saying, 'Yep, that's my girl?"'"

• eBay: Life-Size Star Wars X-Wing Fighter — For $85,000, these guys are better off buying themselves a life-size girlfriend.

• Net Disaster — Type in any site's URL and watch it get wrecked (visually) in a number of ways.