For years I've looked forward to everyone's preseason thoughts on must-see games. In fact, I wrote one for TIME.com four seasons ago. This year, I might as well pick out of a hat. You saw the NFC last year, right? Can you possibly bank on any of those teams, save the Eagles, being watchable midway through the season?

But I'll give it a shot anyway:

OAKLAND at NEW ENGLAND, Week 1
Thursday, Sept. 8 — This could be Arizona vs. Miami and it would still be a must-watch, if only because it's the season-opener. I smell a viewing party somewhere on the Upper West Side, complete with a pre-game Madden 2006 tournament and a live karaoke halftime show of TV theme songs played on my acoustic/electric guitar. Randy Moss in his new digs against the Super Bowl champs makes for an interesting storyline, which means Randy Moss makes for an interesting storyline, because the Patriots are boring as shit.

PHILADELPHIA at ATLANTA, Week 1
Monday, Sept. 12 — They were the class of the NFC last year, and I don't expect things to change significantly. Then again, it's the NFC so who really knows.

N.Y. GIANTS at NEW ORLEANS, Week 2
Sunday, Sept. 18 — Not so much a must-see as a must-go game. When your favorite team is scheduled to play in the cheapest party city in America, you hit up Expedia.com right quick. Notice I didn't say "best" or "coolest" party city. Nothing says tourist like those lame test-tube shots. But, hey, love the 3-for-1 beers.

N.Y. GIANTS at SAN DIEGO, Week 3
Sunday, Sept. 25 — Before last year's draft, Eli Manning said he wouldn't play for the Chargers, which is kinda like a blackjack dealer threatening to not take all of your money. If San Diego had any fans, you would expect them to boo. I'm a tell ya what, this is also a key game for the ESPN Sunday Night Football crew, which should open doors to a new generation of fans who won't believe that Paul Maguire played professional football.

BALTIMORE at PITTSBURGH, Week 8
Monday, Oct. 31 — What are the Ravens gonna dress up as on Halloween, law-abiding citizens?

PITTSBURGH at GREEN BAY, Week 9
Sunday, Nov. 6 — If you believe in the NFL and treat every fall Sunday like Christmas morning, then you gotta love the Pittsburgh Steelers at the Green Bay Packers. Their rich histories aren't exactly linked, almost no rivalry at all and no 2005 storyline. But for decades they've set the standard for the way the NFL should conduct itself. Before and after assholes like T.O., there have been, and will be, the Steelers and Packers.

INDIANAPOLIS at NEW ENGLAND, Week 9
Monday, Nov. 7 — Gee, wonder if the Pats will find a way to stop Peyton Manning. There's two ways to look at this, of course. Either you credit New England or strike a blow to Manning's legacy. And I say, take a bow, Patriots. If not, you're just cheating yourselves out of respect.

PITTSBURGH at INDIANAPOLIS, Week 12
Monday, Nov. 28 — I hate to throw in another game with these guys, but it really is the best game between two teams that didn't meet in 2004. By Week 12, we'll know if the Colts have a shot at home-field advantage in the AFC, and we already know how much that means to them. Almost no way this is a meaningless game.

MINNESOTA at BALTIMORE, Week 16
Sunday, Dec. 25 — With Sunday falling on Christmas Day, the NFL has scheduled 13 of the week's 16 games on Saturday, Dec. 24. But I'm going with this 8:30 p.m. start on Christmas Day as a must-see because it might extend past my family's Broadway show outing, and nothing makes a shot of booze go down smoother after withstanding two hours of being cramped in show-tunes seats than having a quarter left of football to watch.

CAROLINA at ATLANTA, Week 17
Sunday, Jan. 1 — With the Fiesta and Sugar Bowls slated for Jan. 2 and the Rose and Orange Bowls scheduled for Jan. 3, this is the best we can do. Carolina reminds me of the Oakland A's — a team that's perpetually overlooked and dangerous. And the Atlanta Falcons remind me of the previous years' Minnesota Timberwolves — a talented team with a stud and a good supporting cast. All of which means neither is going anywhere.

As for the Yankees...

• Forgive me Yankees for I have sinned. It was The Night of the Living Dead just as I was counting out Jason Giambi, Tino Martinez and Bernie Williams, who deservedly brought up the rear in the Yankees lineup Wednesday night. They tore Curt Schelling a new asshole, which gives him three — the one he had, the new one and the one that he is. I still stand by my bar-room comment that A-Rod is a disaster when it comes to STFU moments, and it wouldn't surprise me to see him (0-for-5 Wednesday, .229 on the season) to go 1-for-19 against Ketchup Sock — or anyone else who calls him out — in 2005. If I were the Tigers or Blue Jays, I'd start calling him a hack.

• I was interviewed by the Baltimore Sun on Wednesday for a feature on Yankees fans coming down to get crabs this weekend. Supposed to run on Friday and I'll try to link it up before I leave town.

• One more game till we don't have to face the Red Sox till May 27. And still that seems kinda early. Not that I don't mind seeing Schelling make 35,115 people from Boston shut up, but it'll be nice to walk into a bar with a Yankees jacket on, not hear bitches yell "Go Red Sox" and see them disappear when their ace gets lit up like a Christmas tree by a trio of has-beens hitting .175 combined.

• The Red Sox are definitely in Mariano Rivera's head. Yeah, definitely.