The 2005 NCAA Tournament started out as the Sominex Invitational — one-and-a-half days of boring-ass games with endless double-digit margins of victory. Then impossible-to-guard Hakim Warrick turned the ball over 10 times, while Gerry McNamara auditioned for the lead role in Airball: The John Starks Story against f'ing Vermont, and the games have been great ever since.

Watching all these Instant Classics with my nose pressed up against the window is like being the designated driver at a Kid Rock Mardi Gras party. I haven't felt such pain since Kevin Elster hit .000 for the 1994 Yankees — 0-for-20 if you're counting at home.

Some random thoughts on the tourney...

• "You've Been Pittsnogled!" is too good of a line to give up simply because Kevin Pittsnogle and West Virginia are out. It kinda reminds me of when you get cockblocked by some hottie's ugly friend, but I think it fits better with when there's an empty seat next to you on a plane or bus and you're praying to god no one comes ... and then you see a chunkmonster waddling your way. "Dude, you've been Pittsnogled!"

• I wonder if there was a vigil at ESPN when Duke lost. I can picture Dick Vitale delivering (no, wait, it's not delivery) the eulogy, saying that he would give anything to share one more DiGiorno's pizza with the 2004-05 Blue Devils.

• Did Patrick Sparks (image) play for Kentucky all season, or did the Wildcats team bus stop for gas and pick up the first attendant they found? (I expect to take some shit for that crack when the state of Kentucky gets Internet access.)

Sparks probably should've been on the line to take the most pressure-packed free throw in regional final history. He was straight-up fouled on his game-tying 3-pointer at the end of regulation. I know you can't really make that call in that spot, but he was fouled.

• That traveling call on Villanova's Allan Ray was the biggest Philadelphia ripoff since my friend paid $8 for a cheesesteak that gave him the runs. Hell, Patrick Ewing made that move every day for 20 years. The only difference here was that Ray didn't leave a gallon of sweat on the court.

• You know a college hoops championship is exceedingly hard to capture when even a monster program like Duke has "just" three titles, while North Carolina has just two since 1957 and Kansas has one since 1952. That's why Illinois fans have got to be crazy anxious. Opportunities like this just don't come around every year, not for anyone.

Other Sports Ruminations:

• What other sports? Baseball can't get here soon enough. And how come I haven't seen any hockey highlights on SportsCenter? Shouldn't they be on between 11:57-11:59 p.m.?

• Oh, here's one. I have eight pretty good seats for Yankees at Baltimore on Saturday, April 16. Game starts at 4:35 p.m., but my friends are being pusses. So if anyone wants to road trip, or if you live in the Baltimore area and want the tix, e-mail me.

• Rented Mr. 3000 the other day, or as I like to call it, Anchorman With Base Paths. How long did they work on that script? Like 20 minutes?

Today's Sports Links:

• NBAdraft.net's 2005 Mock Draft — North Carolina freshman Marvin Williams, the team's fifth-leading scorer is projected as the top pick. Why does that sound so wrong to me? Bring back 1980s college hoops! This is ridiculous.

• HoopsHype.com's 2005 Mock Draft — Martynas Andriuskevicius from Zalgiris Kaunas (Lithuania) is projected as the top pick. All of a sudden, the Marvin Williams pick sounds normal. Both mock drafts have Hakim Warrick going in the 20s. Why can't I understand any of this?

• Sports TV Theme Songs — An assortment of '80s era audio clips, including Monday Night Football and, my favorite, This Week in Baseball.

• Eleven Indiana University of Pennsylvania Football Players Charged in Attack — A frightening story about a mob that broke into a college student's residence to retaliate after their friend was involved in a fight. Jail time, anyone? (Thanks, Art)

• Michael Finley goes 8-for-8 in 3-Pointers — Figuring a 33% chance of hitting any individual shot from downtown, Finley's odds of going 8-for-8 in a game were 1 in 6,561.