I'm not sure about you, but when I think of Hollywood, I think of people like Marilyn Monroe. People like Tom Cruise. People like Screech.
I don't think of sports sideline reporters.
Nonetheless, Jim Gray was honored with a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame two days ago. And you know what means. It means the guy who played Dudley on Diff'rent Strokes is psyched, because the WOF waiting list is wheezing like the lungs of an 85-year-old smoker.
It all kinda makes sense, though, because Hollywood is a whacked town. Whereas my city is known for Seinfeld, Central Park and Mickey Mantle, Hollywood is known for collagen, Burt Reynold's toupee and "very special episodes" of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Not to mention 43 baseball movies starring Kevin Costner.
That being said, I'm definitely a Gray fan. He and Armen Keteyian may be the only sideline reporters worth paying attention to. Plus, he punk'd Pete Rose before Game 2 of the 1999 World Series, when he asked him if was ready to admit what the entire world already knew, which Rose refused to do even though he took public's money by selling them a book of lies years earlier.
Complete list of Hollywood Walk of Fame Locations
(Thanks, Jim, for the link)
Today's News Links:
Woman Accused of Naked Dog Wrestling [OK, before I even read the article...] Maybe it's not what you think. Maybe it just means the dog was naked. Or maybe she wrestled against a really ugly chick. [OK, now I am reading...] Nope, she's a fuckin' wacko! And yes, I mean that literally. It's a male dog. Hope you weren't eating. (Thanks, Matt)
Court: Man Can Sue for Distress Over Surprise Pregnancy Next time you guys drop off the fellas in a chick's mouth, make sure she doesn't secretly keep the semen in order to get herself pregnant. (Thanks, Pee Wee)
One Man's Hooters Vacation A Pittsburgh Tribune-Review reporter takes flight with Hooters Air. About as saccharine as the restaurant, which is quite a bit. (Thanks, Art)
Rats, I Won the Lottery! Forbes takes a look at some of the dopes who won millions and later found themselves penniless.
Syracuse Falls Short of Snow Angel Record Being that they came up about 50% short of the record, I'd say those 888 people flapping their arms and legs in the snow pretty much regret it.
Hilton Hack Boosts T-Mobile Sales Isn't it only a matter of time before someone hooks up hidden cameras in her bedroom? How much more humiliation can she take?
Today's Sports Links:
'Gay' Now Allowed on NFL Jerseys The NFL Shop reverses its policy one day after OutSports.com printed an article detailing the resistance a man named Barry Gay encountered when he tried to order a jersey with his last name. Unfortunately, "Crack Whore," "Jesus Christ" and "Whiskey Dick" remain on the list of banned words.
The Curling Shot of the Century Trust me, you have to watch the 1:28 Real video of Jennifer Jones becoming curling champ of Canada. Watch the way the chicks go crazy over this shit. I swear I thought it was another start to an Energizer Bunny commercial, like that Carlos Santana-Antonio Banderas duet at the Oscars.
Jim Caple's New Book: The Devil Wears Pinstripes Among ESPN Page 2's 379 Yankee-hating jokesters, I find Caple's jabs the most entertaining. Even the book promo is pretty funny, though it'll still be way down on my Christmas wish list, just under that Tonya Harding honeymoon video.
Al Leiter Goes Off on Mike and the Mad Dog The former Mets starter credits the WFAN sports radio hosts for helping him run out of town, which I don't buy. I did hear Russo's rant a couple of years back saying Leiter was "shot," and it was pretty vicious, but Francesa came to Dog's defense this week, saying Leiter makes it seem like someone put a gun to his head to accept a $7 million deal from the Marlins.
And the Sports Oscar Goes to ... Mike McAllister of SI.com hands out Best Movie, Best Actor, Best Director and more awards in a field of all-time sports movies. Kinda like how I did an all-time Oscars write-up last year. (Results)
USA Today's Terrific 20 A hypothetical bracket that pits the 20 NCAA men's basketball champions since 1985 against each other. They're down to the final eight, and my top two (1996 Kentucky, 1992 Duke) will meet before the final. That Kentucky team was unreal; nine players made it to the NBA. I think one of the ball boys was drafted in the second round by the Warriors. And '92 Duke was a lethal blend of battle-tested winners, including five players who averaged at least 11.2 per game.
Buster Olney's Spring Training Power Rankings At No. 1 is the team that won 101 games with a disappointing pitching staff, then went out and added Randy Johnson, an 18-game winner and a 15-game winner.
Notre Dame Hires Ron Powlus as Director of Personnel Development And if he can help those players win the school's first bowl game since before Powlus became a starter in 1994, even better.
Rick Reilly Reflects on 20 Years at SI Updates on the regular people he's profiled in two decades of being featured on the magazine's back page.
Yankees Baseball Blog I'll be doing a guide to Yankees sites when the season grows closer, but here's a new one. Pretty much just copy-and-paste from news articles, though.
Today's Web Finds:
I Did it for Science: Fellatio School The latest in the popular Nerve.com series, writer Jen Miller gets lessons in toking on a man pipe by ... my old softball manager. Yep, no lie.
5000+ Random Quotes A huge collection of wise and witty quotes you might find in someone's e-mail or message board signature. Mine is "A friend in need is a pest" by Bobby "The Brain" Heenan, but there are plenty of other gems here. Including Jason Kidd's prediction that, "We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees."
95South.com's Dickhead of the Year Alex's vicious tirade against a South Florida club bouncer with whom he had a not-so-slight disagreement about tipping.
Action Jackson: Dead Meat You think you had a bad week? How about being a mobster suspected of snitching to the FBI, being hung from a meat hook inserted through your ass, having your knees bashed and balls electrocuted, and left to die, which you did three days later. And you never even talked to the Feds.
Aks Jeeves A funny riff on the butler-themes search engine that I can't believe is still in business.
What I've Learned: Homer Simpson The best nuclear-power-plant safety inspector in Springfield shares with Esquire what he's learned over the years, including, "There are many different religions in this world, but if you look at them carefully, you'll see that they all have one thing in common: They were invented by a giant, superintelligent slug named Dennis."
Who/What is a Claymate? A Clay Aiken fan site comes through with the answer. It's someone who "has fallen in love with his astounding voice, its glory notes that bring chills and its soft, gentle whisper like tones that send shivers coursing down one's spine." That's fine for the Who part. But I don't understand the What part? Can a coffee table be a Claymate?
All-Time Movie Box Office Records A lot of these numbers don't mean jack with adjusting for inflation, but it's still cool to reviews these top-20 lists. Among the all-time U.S. Top 20, I think I saw three in a theater (Titanic, E.T., Return of the Jedi).
Wesley Willis Audio The Chicago cult icon (at least that's what the page says) sadly has passed on, but not before leaving us with such hits as "Rock n Roll McDonald's." (Thanks, Jim)
Late Show Slideshows Some funny stuff from the David Letterman crew, including such new magazines as Unpopular Science, Teen Pope and Bacon Aficionado. (Thanks, Pee Wee)
The Guillotine Headquarters History and galleries of the machine last officially used in France in 1977. Lest you read anything into me finding this link, I actually looked up some info after watching History of the World: Part I, the one with the Piss Boy. And remember, it's good to be the king.
American Rhetoric's Movie Speeches Audio and video of some famous movie scenes and awards acceptance speeches. Kinda of all over the place, really, and the "Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?" line is missing.
Tom Cruise vs. Jude Law Chris Rock sure got up Sean Penn's ass when he joked about films settling for Law when they could wait for Cruise. So I clicked on the "sorted by ratings" link on the left side of each's IMBD.com profile and found that Cruise has been in 11 movies with at least a 7.00 rating while Law has been in eight. Clearly, a flawed study in a number of ways but still a cool feature to see which actors, actresses and directors have been part of Hollywood's best works.
Frightening Tori Spelling Wallpaper OK, you people with office jobs have got to set this as your wallpaper for just one day and see what reactions you get.