Here's what I took from the evening:

• Is it just me, or does Adam Duritz from the Counting Crows look like the Hawaiian Punch guy?

• I don't know if anyone does lists of Top Dead-Person Roll Calls in Oscar History, but this one reminded me of the 1983 NFL Draft. A Hall of Fame class that included Marlon Brando, Rodney Dangerfield, Tony Randall, Christopher Reeve, Janet Leigh and Ronald Reagan. Not to mention Johnny Carson, a former host who got his own tribute earlier in the evening. Across the country, 84,325 people punched their tickets to hell by uttering the words "dead pool" during the segment.

• Whoopi Goldberg called Carson "a bridge between old and new Hollywood." I'm not sure what connection she had with "Carnac the Magnificent" but Whoopi looked like a bridge between a punch-drunk boxer and a guy who looted a thrift shop.

• Seeing Jamie Foxx with that temporary tattoo on his head on the biggest night of his life reminded me of when Richard Hamilton shined during the 2004 NBA playoffs wearing that hideous facemask. Talk about bad timing. Check out this Art.com link: Who's gonna buy a print of Rip lookin' like he just got out of plastic surgery?

• These things made me laugh out loud:
- "When he's not dazzling us with his acting, he's boring us with his politics. Tim Robbins."
- "Please welcome comedy superstar Jeremy Irons."
- Chris Rock and Adam Sandler parodying an awkward Oscar presentation.
- Rock interviewing black movie-goers about their preferences, obviously making the point that these are The White Movie Awards.
- (I pretty much missed the political stuff in the beginning. Thought it started at 9 p.m.)

• Whatever side of the bed Sean Penn woke up on Sunday, he should try the other one. Rock bashed himself most of all in his monologue, yet Penn felt compelled to object to his comedy bit later on. Probably wasn't the first time that someone missed the "just kidding" part of Rock's act. I'm sure he knows how to handle it by now.

• Al Pacino looked like someone woke him up 10 minutes before he was due on stage.

• I didn't watch any of E! and I already know Johnny Depp was picked as Worst Dressed.

• I know most everyone was thinking, "Jesus, Beyonce again?" But Sunday was a huge night for her, no doubt. Don't hate the player, hate the game, and while we might scratch our heads as to why she was trotted out there time and again, she did great. Might as well rename Destiny's Child to Stepping Stone right about now.

• Jay-Z at the Academy Awards I can see. Martin Scorsese at the Source Awards? Not so much.

• Did anyone watch Steve Wynn's commercial for his namesake hotel and not think of Donald Trump? They're the only two guys in the world whom you could tell to go fuck themselves and they'd get a hard-on.

• They have an award for Best Sound Mixing and Best Sound Editing? That's like the Red Sox handing out team awards for Biggest Prick and Biggest Douchebag.

• At least Carlos Santana wore his nicest sweatshirt. Did anyone else think his duet with Antonio Banderas with the beginning to an Energizer commercial? I kept waiting for that bunny to come across the screen.

• Imagine the shock when we were told that Hillary Swank was the first woman to be nominated for an Oscar in the role of a boxer. Next thing you're gonna tell me is that Paris Hilton is the first chicken-legged billionaire heiress to be seen having sex all over the Internet.