What kind of girlfriend are you?
Probably a lame one if you take tests like that.

What famous leader are you?
Um, the kind who rules countries while surfing for porn. (I'm Saddam Hussein, but I only act like that on the softball diamond.)

Which Napoleon Dynamite character are you?
The annoying one. Wait, that's all of them. (I'm Kip, which is worse than Saddam Hussein.)

But this week I was sent a quiz that provides truly interesting results:

The Slut Test!

Rated on a scale of 1-100, the 40 questions are pretty much split between attitudes and experiences. I got a 62, not as high as the person who sent it to me, so I've got some work to do.

Today's Web Finds:

• Downloadable MP3s of Jim Florentine's 'Terrorizing Telemarketers' — The guy who does the voice of Crank Yankers' Special Ed and Bobby Fletcher has an awesome thing going. He intentionally signs up for lists that will generate calls from telemarketers, and he turns the tables to make their lives miserable for a few minutes. Hilarious stuff.

• Brandi Love's Diary — I saw this Internet porno MILF on Howard Stern's E! show the other night, and found out she keeps a journal online. You'll never guess what it says on her t-shirt. Starts with an S and rhymes with hut.

• Casino Strategy From Fodors.com on NYTimes.com — Includes an interesting bit on how much you can expect to get comped. For example: playing $25 blackjack hands for eight hours should net you a 2% loss of $240 and a comp of $72-$96, whether you win, lose or break even.

• Photos: Circuit Girls Bikini Pageant on 95South.com — Not that the Bahamas weren't fun, but it wouldn't be a stretch to say it would have been better if the Circuit Girls Super Bowl weekend had gone off as planned.

• World Press Photos of the Year — Almost as good as the bikini photos above. Seriously, though, some stunning stuff. And, just like the news, almost all are sad. Maybe I should launch the Good News Channel. Happy news 24 hours a day. Our cameras would have rose-colored lenses.

• 100 Funniest Jokes of All Time — I never heard No.1 before, and I'm still waiting to laugh. No. 3, Stephen Wright's hour about 24-hour stores, is classic. I can't walk into a 7-Eleven without thinking, "not in a row." Rodney makes his first appearance at No. 6, and I can't imagine anyone not laughing if they haven't heard the one where he asks a women he's having sex with if she'll hate herself in the morning. Wright's joke at 100 is about a million times funnier than No. 64 by Gilbert Gottfried, which I'd rate as probably the worst on the list. Oh, and if you thought Abraham Lincoln wasn't funny, you're right (check out No. 37). (Link found on Jadedgrrl)

• Flung Poo Collector Sought on CareerBuilder.com — I guess there are a lot of NHL coaches with time on their hands. And NHL writers. And NHL marketers. And NHL... (Thanks, Shumpy)

• Reviews of Gags and Pranks — Fake Pet Puke is a winner, Garlic Candy is a dud, and the Cookie Roach is a toss-up.

• Craig's Lister's Revenge on Girlfriend Who Banged Her Boss — Funny write-up, but since it's on CL, it's probably as fake as Tara Reid's mutilated tits.

• Susannah Breslin's 'Porn Happy' Blog — Formerly The Reverse Cowgirl on Salon, Susannah writes in to plug her new online effort, which is about a novel-in-progress that she's writing of the same name. I interviewed Susannah back in 2003, and she gives great Q&A. She surmised that 98% of people troll the Internet for porn. I'd say she was off by 2%.

• Web Fashion Colors — A bunch of interesting HTML color palettes, sorted by the last few decades, from longtime PK.com supporters at Mandarin Design. Awesome web-publishing tips 'n' tricks resource.

• List of Fictional Companies — Some great Head-to-Head opportunities here. Moe's vs. Cheers as best bar. McDowell's vs. Rob's Place for eating establishments. The Muppet Theater vs. Wally World for entertainment destination. I'll have to get on this.