Tell me that's not the most beautiful sight you've seen all week.
Don "The Greatest Living Ballplayer" Mattingly showing a security guard how to receive oral sex from two chicks at once.
That can only mean one thing: baseball is back, and I'm pumped, already holding tix for the third Yanks game of the season on April 6 for what should be Carl Pavano's debut against the Red Sox, as well as eight tickets at Baltimore on Saturday, April 16 (if any Bombers fans want in, let me know; should be rockin' with thousands of New Yorkers partying in Inner Harbor).
Here are my thoughts on the two baseball storylines dominating the headlines:
• Trot Nixon Bashes Alex Rodriguez, Calls Him a 'Clown' — All jokes aside — and I guess the biggest one is Nixon's .213 batting average and 9 home runs in his career against lefties — I'm not sure where Boston's utter contempt for A-Rod stems from.
First, he was a guy they tried desperately to acquire, even at the expense of shipping off Manny Ramirez and Nomar Garciaparra, who, as of last February, was nothing less than beloved in the city most famous for soup. (Seriously, when you think of Boston, you think of clam chowder. Almost 400 years of history and the first things that pop into your mind are soup that looks like cat vomit, turning a river into a toilet of tea and virginal postal carriers who get wasted at some pathetic basement bar.) Anyway, A-Rod played 10 years in the bigs before the Sox bent over to acquire him. Now, all of a sudden, he's a clubhouse cancer, someone the Sox wouldn't have won with. As if they were the 1998 Yankees or something last year. As if they weren't one game or one inning away from being swept in the playoffs. AS IF THEY'D ACTUALLY WON THE DIVISION!
Second, it's been said the sucker punch from fully-guarded Jason Varitek last year was necessitated because A-Rod tried to intimidate a guy like Bronson Coolio, who'd just plunked Alex in typical Sox fashion, being down at Fenway. Rodriguez wouldn't have challenged an established played like Pedro Martinez, they said. You know, like the way Pedro went after Karim Garcia in 2003.
(Speaking of on-field fights, there will be one this year. Can you imagine if one finally breaks out at Yankee Stadium? Think about that for a minute.)
Third, the slap in Game 6 of the ALCS. You tell me, what was your immediate reaction? That A-Rod tried something desperate in a desperate situation? Or that he intentionally disregarded all rules of respectful competition, endangered the career of Bronson Coolio and bolstered his reputation as an 11-year dirty player? Again, your immediate reaction, which provides you as much time to think as A-Rod did running down that line. I have not read nor heard one media report — not a peep from other major leaguers — trashing A-Rod for that play, which was nothing more than a quick, but ultimately poor, judgement on a play in which he, apparently, had every right to run over Coolio but couldn't slap at his glove. The way the Sox players talk about it, you'd think they'd want him banned from the Hall of Fame.
Ultimately, I'm glad the Red Sox are killing A-Rod for not being a true Yankee, as if they have any idea about what it means to expect to win, and to win with the class of Joe Torre or Derek Jeter or Mariano Rivera. As if their halls are walked by guys like Yogi Berra and Phil Rizzuto and Whitey Ford, who've lost count of the rings they've won.
Ironically, this makes A-Rod more a part of our team. Speaking from a Yanks fan perspective, I never felt like we got any less than 100% from the guy. In fact, he finished second in AL win shares to Gary Sheffield, tied for second with Hideki Matsui and Miguel Tejada. It's not like we're gonna regret upgrading from Aaron Boone to the best infielder in baseball. And Alfonso Soriano is coming back to the Bronx after next season anyway. That's what happens when you don't shit on a guy after leaves, like Boston did to Roger Clemens, Mo Vaughn, Garciaparra and Martinez.
As for Nixon saying he respects Jason Giambi because he was a cool guy to talk to at first base, maybe he forgot that Giambi cheated his way to two big home runs in Game 7 of the 2003 ALCS.
• Jose Canseco Names Names in Book — Pete Rose aside, Can-Sucko's maybe the least believable former player out there. And ya know what? I believe him. That's how obvious that steroid mess has been for awhile now.
As For the NHL Season Being Canceled:
I feel for the fans, really. I joke about hockey games being one, big mistake, but if you dig it, you dig it. And I don't know why people are lamenting on the NHL losing the "casual" hockey fan, because I've never met a casual hockey fan in my life. They're the most passionate fans, aside from maybe college football yahoos. Casual fans and names like Konstantin Koltsov, Aleksey Morozov and Aleksander Suglobov don't mix.
The NHL will be back, the fans will be back. You'll never know it was gone. Trust me. Remember all those newspaper polls in 1994, when the baseball owners canceled the World Series (which the Yankees would have won)? Like 89% said they'd never come back. And they all did.
Today's Sports Links:
• Lee Corso Gets Pissy on Dallas Radio — The ESPN college football analyst doesn't appreciate a wisecrack made by a radio host. And I thought it was innocuous and funny. (Audio from SportsByBrooks.com)
• More Downloadable Sports Audio — Never before plugged on this site: Tommy Lasorda on Dave Kingman's three home runs, Geno Auriemma goes off on a reporter, Joe Namath wants to kiss Suzy Kolber, and Bill Tobin fires back at Mel Kiper, Jr.
• All-Time NBA Players By College — This index from Basketball-Reference.com allows you to peruse profiles of every NBA/ABA player, sorted by college, including their pro and college stats.
• HoopsHype.com Salaries — As a Knicks fan, it's almost too much to bear. New York has the highest payroll by about 15% over Dallas, and they suck balls. I guess that makes three New York sports teams (Yankees, Knicks, Rangers) as the highest-paid teams in the four major sports. How 'bout Shaq making $27.7 million this year, half the entire Miami team? I thought A-Rod was still the highest-paid in major sports. And what about Dikembe Mutombo and Allan Houston ranking Nos. 2 and 3, respectively? Yeesh.
• Most Controversial Sports Books — Inspired by Jose Canseco's effort, this ESPN.com list includes three I've read (Friday Night Lights, Moneyball and Ball Four) — all of which were awesome.
On the ESPN list of most controversial sports books:
Bouton's book revolutionized sports journalism. Before that most sportswriters were in essence public relations guys for the teams and players. And it punctured the myths of many sports icons.
Jennings's three books on the Olympics are essential reading. I'm glad the first is included here. He is British, and they caused a greater impact in Europe than the U.S., but they are easily available online (or at least used to be). I think he is still writing for the Daily Mail, which doesn't have much of a web site.
Howard Cosell wrote several books which should have been on this list. He went after his old loves, including boxing and football. "I Never Played the Game" and "What's Wrong With Sports" are essential reading. They often can be found at Strand, or online.
Harry Edwards's "The Revolt of the Black Athlete," which I still have to read, should have been on this list. It also caused a major stir when it was published.
Posted by Eddie at February 17, 2005 6:07 AM