The Department of Homeland Security hasn't issued any official warning, but New York's been attacked by Christo and Jean-Claude, married artists both born on June 13, 1935, who launched their 26-years-in-the-planning exhibit called "The Gates" in Central Park this past weekend.

When I learned of the project, I was excited. New York is nothing if not ambitious. So the idea of 22,500 poles, 165,000 bolts and 7,500 panels of fabric — all at the cost of $21 million for nothing more than two-week eye-candy — seemed like the quintessential New York happening. Just to say you did it and gave millions of people something to appreciate. Plus, I hoped to get some great photos out of it.

But ya know what? Judging by the best shot I took on Tuesday (above), I got more keepsakes from the foot of snow Mother Nature dropped on us for free in January. Put it this way: when the blizzard hit I trudged through the Park for 90 minutes; when it was 55 and sunny for "The Gates," I was gone in 15.

Not that I don't admire the effort, but seeing the final result reminded me of when I went to see Anchorman. I thought: There is no way anyone could really like this thing. Tolerate it, sure. But really like it? No fucking way. And I had the equivalent of a six-pack before seeing Anchorman. It was that bad. I'm sticking to that, by the way.

I don't know art any better than I know the newly elected president of Iraq (who is it, Karl Rove?), but I imagine one true test is whether or not people want to see it stay. There's no way the majority of New Yorkers want Central Park to stay looking like this. And for $21 million, couldn't you add something that people might want to stay?

Also, I got to thinking: What other NYC exhibits could we have that would make as much sense as 7,500 panels of orange fabric in one of the world's most famous public settings?

• Flooding each seat in Yankee Stadium with whipped cream
• Covering Brooklyn Bridge entirely with fake snow from a can
• Posting photos of Clay Aiken on all Empire State Building windows
• Every NYC resident takes a drag of a joint and blows it toward Greenwich, Conn.

Links Related to The Gates:

• New York Times Collection of Articles — Make sure to launch the interactive feature titled "'The Gates: An Appraisal." It's informative and the narrator's monotone delivery pretty much sums up the ho-hum experience.

• Official NYC Site's Photos From The Gates — The shots that mix B&W and color look great! But guess what? That's not what we see in real life.

• eBay Items: The Gates — Of course, anything in the news means a flood of auction items. Some of which might be worth more than 10% as much in three months.

• Craig's List Community on The Gates — Some are OK with it, some are really poking fun at it. Some, like typical Craig's Listers, probably also posted about a turd they flushed down the toilet four hours ago.

• Bloggers on "The Gates" — A Technorati search of fellow bloggers' comments on the exhibit. Lots of first-person accounts and photos from fellow New Yorkers.

Other New York Links:

• Ted's Birthday — An Improv Everywhere mission in which 25+ people raided a bar and pretended to celebrate a faux birthday of an unknowing participant. I have an interview lined up with these guys, and I'll definitely go on a mission with them. (Thanks, Rachel)

• Season of Savings — Broadway shows on the cheap, until mid-March. I'll probably hit up Twelve Angry Men or even Fiddler on the Roof if I turn gay in the next few weeks.

• Custom-Made Bras at Intimacy — I'll let the Daily Candy lead say it all: Does keeping your jugs from jiggling feel like a full-time job?

A Couple of Personal Notes:

• Congratulations are in order to neighbor Stephanie Klein, who has landed a two-book deal to write about her life past and present. Steph's June 2004 post titled "Sports and Tits" recounts a dinner we shared at Brother Jimmy's BBQ, perhaps the finest dining establishment I frequent. It wasn't a date — just dragged her out for ribs and beer and the Lakers-Pistons NBA Finals — but if she makes it big I'll have to make up some kind of story about how we had sex eight ways from Sunday.

• I was greatly saddened to learn of the sudden death of fellow NYC blogger Mike Wolf. Mike and I met on a couple of occasions, and I know he was at least an occasional reader of my site. Judging from the heart-felt comments left on Mike's site, and the touching tributes posted on others, it's clear he made an impact on people with his writing and his friendship. Hard to do better than that, right? Till we meet again, godspeed.

Mike's life will be celebrated at the next NYC Blogger Bash on Feb 25.