Remember when people used words like "headhunter called me" and "got an offer" and "raise." Man, those were the days.

Well, those days are gone, and people have resorted to selling ad space on their bodies. Omaha native Andrew Fischer has turned his noggin into a billboard and will pocket $37,375 for a month in which he has no chance of getting laid. Elsewhere, Joe Tamargo of Long Island will use his arm to promote SaveMartha.com ... as well as to fight off people who will be making some serious fun of him.

Now, if I were a guidance counselor — ya know, those people who dispense vocational advice even though they've yet to get our high school themselves — I would steer kids away from selling their bodies for advertising. But Human Billboard wouldn't crack my list of Top 10 Worst Jobs in America:

10. TV Field Reporter During Inclement Weather
Is there anything funnier than sitting with your feet up on a leather couch during a blizzard and watching the news team throw it to some 5-3, 110-pound chick who's struggling to stand upright against a blast of wind and snow in her face?

And now, for those of you without a window, we go to Suzy Johnson, who can't feel her right leg in Union Square. Suzy...

It's pretty fucked up out here, Jim. Hopefully, this storm will subside before I die of hypothermia. And, um, if you can do me a favor, tell the executive producer I'm real sorry again for calling him an asshole last week.

9. Toll Booth Collector
What's not to hate? Pissed-off people and their germ-filled hands forking over money you can't keep. An "office" that makes a Manhattan studio closet seem roomy. And the irrelevancy that comes with being replaced by a change basket or EZ-Pass. (Adam Sandler's Toll Booth Willie.)

8. Waitress at Shanghai 72 in New York
It must be a law that cranky, old people patronize this Chinese restaurant, because every time I go for a good, cheap meal, an Upper West Side fossil is complaining about something. Just shut up and eat your soup, you old bat! And tips on those $12 tabs don't exactly buy a 24K gold house.

7. Security at Rap Awards Show
Do the words "sitting duck" mean anything to you? When shit breaks out — and it will — I'm charging for the exit, not trying to play peacemaker.

6. Bathroom Attendant
Face it, no one is happy to see you. Is there anything more disappointing than throwing open the door and seeing these guys? Great, I have to tip a guy who just watched me take a piss.

5. Company Computer Guy
You could have an entire office of 5,000 employees running smoothly and no one cares. Then some head-honcho goes ballistic at you because he can't find an e-mail, which is most likely buried in his unfiltered inbox, one he hasn't cleaned out since 2002. (SNL's Nick Burns, "Your Company Computer Guy")

4. Funeral Director
Oh yeah, people are real happy to see you. After a day of work, these guys cheer themselves up with a Stephen King novel.

3. Hollywood Press Agent
You just have to sell your soul to the devil before diving into the deep end of L.A. bullshit. There's no ass-kissing quite like the favors Hollywood folks will do for free publicity. I'm not even sure these people are human.

2. Proctologist
Like being at Fenway Park, you're surrounded by assholes. Plus, no one wants to shake your hand at parties.

1. XXX Theater Mop Boy
Those floors get sticky, and it ain't from the buttered popcorn. The absolute most-degrading, disgusting job on the planet: cleaning up a pervert's spunk. (I just threw up on my keyboard.)